Oh My God

“They must find it difficult… Those who have taken authority as the truth, rather than truth as the authority.” ~Gerald Massey

Blue Rose Window. Ah, pretty.

It’s about time I fess up. I’m not Christian, I don’t subscribe to any religion, and I’m not an atheist. I can’t be sure there is or is not a god and dogma upsets me for a variety of reasons. As some Buddhist said, “If you cling to an idea as the inalterable truth, then when the truth does come in person and knock at your door, you will not be able to open the door and accept it.”

As far as I can tell, no one is trying to convince me to see things their way. And I’m not trying to convince anyone to stop supporting what they support (even if it is an organization that covers up child molestation by their leaders). Ok, that dig aside, do what you want. Sure, I have religious friends. I also have friends who are into sports. I feel lucky that no one holds it against me that I’m not into their thing or forces me to talk about the stuff they like.

Although I was raised Catholic, I have always been agnostic. What I mean is that I don’t ever recall believing Jesus Christ was the son of god or the lord and savior in human form. Sure, I thought he said some nice things. But the virgin birth? Riiight. Good one, Mary. For selling that story you have won yourself the Best Actress of All Time Award. Your prize? Followers who praise you over 2000 years later. Bravo.

So, this is why I say I’m not a Christian. I just don’t buy details of the Jesus story that are at the crux of being Christian. And I’m unwilling to take a “leap of faith” to believe them. What’s the payoff for suspending my reason? I get eternal life? It doesn’t make sense that only believers go to heaven. It makes economic sense that religious leaders would tell you that though. If I believe, I get to be a part of a religious community? That’s a deterrent if ever there was one.

I’m completely content to take personal responsibility for my life. Furthermore, I believe I can be a good person without the threat of brimstone or the lure of eternal life. I can be fulfilled without prayer, sacramental blessings, acts of contrition, or the grace of god. I don’t even know what “the grace of god” means.

I’m not a philosophical, theological, or intellectual slouch. I can dig Buddha, Jesus, the Dalai Lama, Lao Tzu as much as Jung, Thoreau, Einstein, and Darwin. Ok, I’m especially into the existentialists and the Buddhists. Still, I’m not joining their clubs.

I studied world religions (Zeitgeist will give you an example of the courses I took). But that study only solidified my agnostic resolve. Religions are all the same. Sure there are differences. The devil’s in details, I guess. But at the bare bones, I can’t discern one from another. But I like the stories. I love that trickster character. The creation stories, meh. The Wandering Jew is cool. Lot? Yikes. Horrible. Some of the tales are better than others but none hold a candle to the Brother’s Grimm.

Being agnostic works for me. And I suspect most people settle in with what works for them because of their nature or nurture. It would be as natural for me to go to church and believe in the virgin birth as it would be for other people to abandon their community and question the tenets of their religion. I get that.

I don’t necessarily want people to be agnostic with me. But I tried to be religious and I tried to be spiritual, so I wouldn’t mind if people tried my thing. It’s easy. Say, “there’s no way to know what’s going to happen after death and the things in life that I can’t explain have explanations that are currently beyond my grasp.” When the big questions come to mind, try to develop explanations that don’t include a santa-like god. It’s fun and you get to do whatever you want on Sunday.

I don’t mean to sound as if I’m making light of something someone else believes. I’m all for respecting the faith of others. I’m an American, after all. The roots of religious tolerance run deep. So, say your prayers, turn in a circle three times, light a candle, and invite me to your Seder. I love the rituals and ceremonies of the faithful, especially when they involve food. However, if you want me to believe that splashing water on a child protects her from eternal hell, I’ll have to respectfully decline. I might be wrong. And I’m open to that possibility.
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Obama’s Inaugural Address

For posterity. To prosperity.

Obama's Inauguration

My fellow citizens:

I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because we the people have remained faithful to the ideals of our forebears, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land — a nagging fear that America’s decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America — they will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted — for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things — some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.

For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sanh.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions — that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.

For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act — not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology’s wonders to raise health care’s quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. All this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions — who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them — that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works — whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. Those of us who manage the public’s dollars will be held to account — to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day — because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control — and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our gross domestic product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart — not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our founding fathers … our founding fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience’s sake. And so to all the other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort — even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society’s ills on the West — know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to the suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world’s resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment — a moment that will define a generation — it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter’s courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent’s willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends — hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism — these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence — the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed — why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent Mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America’s birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

“Let it be told to the future world … that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive…that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet (it).”

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children’s children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God’s grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

Thank you. God bless you. And God bless the United States of America.


I Still Can’t Limbo Under It

“I’ve often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me.” ~Woody Allen

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

I blame my boyfriend for raising my aesthetic standards. Damn him. I’d shake my fist in the air in an exaggerated gesture of frustration, but I don’t do that anymore. I know how painful overwrought cliches are now.

Here’s what happened. I used to watch any movie that came down the pike. I looked forward to Teen Wolf II. I watched Porky’s whenever it was on. I have two copies of Clueless on DVD. I’ve watched Super Troopers more times than I can count.

But it turns out that Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle isn’t a classic. Looks like you can only say that about a certain “type” of movie. Not necessarily Casablanca, although, it is a classic. But also A Space Oddyssey 2001 and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Even Trapped in a Closet makes the list of “keepers.” (That truly is an epic R&B opera.)

Of course, there’s no limit to the additions of new movies if they make the grade. There Will Be Blood is as likely to make the list as an unexpected dark horse like Speed Racer. Or the first Hulk movie with Eric Bana.

I know! You’re appalled that there is a rating system that ranks Hulk higher than Clueless. But turns out that I’ll forgive a story flaw…in fact, I’ll forgive lots of story flaws if there’s an excellent character and/or a charming moment. I’m pretty flexible with this. I hated Talladega Nights until the bitter end. The idiot who learns a lesson isn’t my favorite yarn. I like the earnest innocent who gets his rewards, like Tim Robbins in The Hudsucker Proxy.

Nevertheless, I watched Talladega Nights one lazy night in Flagstaff. (Sasha Baron Cohen might be a genius, so I’ve got to keep an eye on him.) Anyway, at the very end of the movie there’s a scene with the father…if you’ve seen the movie, it’s when Will Ferrell asks his dad if he wants to go get kicked out of Applebees. It was utterly unexpectedly in what was one of the most predictably stupid movies ever. I had been feeling pretty angry that I’d even watched the movie until that moment.

My boyfriend won’t forgive story flaws for a touching moment or for an exceptional character (like I do with Ironman. Rah! Ironman). So, there are whole genres he won’t touch. He knows nothing of Elle Wood’s charm in Legally Blonde. Or Albert Brooke’s excellent interpretation of the dentist in the In-Laws. He doesn’t know about Anna Faris’ comedic timing. And Adam Sandler movies are all garbage (except Punch Drink Love). I argue for Billy Madison and Big Daddy and Happy Gilmore, but he’s not hearing it.

Nevertheless, I’ll can’t give up loving Mean Girls. But still, the truth is, he’s got a point. I’m not saying this in public because I lost a bet or anything. Or I’m dying to hear him tell me how he’s right. Trust me. In fact, I’m risking a lot coming out an admitting this. But I think it’s important to let you know the I kind-of like good movies now. What I mean is that if Ace Venture is on TV, I won’t watch it. I won’t rent Kung Fu Panda. And I know that Date Movie is one of the worst movies ever made. So, through months and months and months of immersion in movies without story flaws, I’ve come to be slightly more discerning.

Still, I can’t help myself. The impulse to consume crap remains. I just watched The House Bunny. Wow. That is a miracle of bad movie making despite Anna Faris. It’s not even really a movie. It’s just one long, clunky music montage connected by some poorly written dialog wrapped up in a tired plot that goes on much too long. It was directed by Fred Wolf who also directed Joe Dirt, which I liked … although, then he did Dickie Roberts and Without a Paddle, which were painful and awful in that order.

Still, the trailers are so enticing. Yeah, I want to see Marley and Me. And I have to see Yes Man. But I’ve learned enough that I won’t see Bride Wars. I will see Notorious, because I love it when you call me Big Poppa. And I’ll see the new Tim Burton movie. But I’m mostly excited to get Vicky Christina Barcelona on DVD so I can watch it over and over. I’ll put it right between Evolution and Shallow Hal. Is that wrong?
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Flamingo without the F’ng is Just Lamio

“Las Vegas is Everyman’s cut-rate Babylon. Not far away there is, or was, a roadside lunch counter and over it a sign proclaiming in three words that a Roman emperor’s orgy is now a democratic institution. ‘Topless Pizza Lunch.’” ~Alistair Cooke

Flamingo without the F'ng is just Lamio

F'ng Sign

I’ve been to Las Vegas more than a few times, always tagging along with someone who wanted to go. And, while there were things about all of the trips I’ve enjoyed, I have to say I don’t really like Las Vegas all that much. Certainly not enough to justify all of the trips there. It’s weird though. And I like that.

I think the highlight all of my Vegas trips was the time I went to a Second City show. That was fun. But I like timely sketch comedy. Oh, and on that same trip my mom and I got roped into a “promotional slots contest.” They gave us $20 for free, cordoned us off with a few other people in a bay of slot machines, and shouted “GO!” then cheered. We played. A crowd gathered. And at the buzzer, my mom had won the most. She walked away with $100 and a plastic gold medallion. See? Weird.

This December I was in Las Vegas three times (in ten days). Once for the biggest snow storm they’ve had in 40 years. I think it was 4 inches and it crippled the town. In a town full of people who only own flip-flops, 4-inches of snow is a blizzard. So, you can see why they closed the airport.

To catch the flight that never left, we had to drive from California to Las Vegas. This was a challenge as they closed the freeway–the one and only freeway–and routed us through Death Valley. We asked the cop if there were any services up the road they were sending us on and he said, “I dunno, never been up there before.” What? It was the only other road out of town.

Well, I’ll tell you what was up that road. Snow. It dumped on us for hours as we race on a single ribbon through nothing, nothing, nothing … only to hit Las Vegas and find it shocked and confused. I’d love to tell you that it was a fortuitous waylay in that I won the jackpot at Deuces Wild Slot Poker. But I didn’t. Instead, we had a mediocre meal and lost another $20.

Whatever, I should have known the town was in a slump when I saw that the Flamingo couldn’t get its F’ng sign right.
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