Can’t See the White House for the Trees

August 25, 2008 at 11:03 am (News)

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

1600 Pennsylvania Ave by messiestobjects

1600 Pennsylvania Ave by messiestobjects

Since the announcement of Joe Biden as Obama’s running mate, many of the “news” stories covering the campaign mention how Obama promised to text people so they’d be the first to know but the media foiled his plan. One AP story I find particularly irritating said:

“Sen. Barack Obama’s pledge to supporters that they would be the ‘first to know’ his running mate turned out to be a savvy but unworkable communications strategy.”

Pledge to supporters? Really? Was that a pledge? That might be worded a little strongly. It’s not as if it were a campaign promise. We know about lead gathering. We’ve seen Glengarry Glen Ross. We knew what we were getting into. Moreover, we know what the media in this country is like. So, it was fun to play along, wondering when Obama would text. And that was about the limit of pleasure one could suck out of the experience.

The story goes on to say:

“Michael Silberman, a partner at online communications firm EchoDitto, said the campaign gambled when they made such a high-stakes promise and find themselves in a precarious situation where they could risk a great deal of trust with supporters.”

Cue the dramatic music. Gamble! High-stakes promise! Precarious situation! Risking trust! Honestly, people just wanted to know who Obama picked. It’s not the betrayal Silberman thinks it is.

He went on to say:

“For Obama supporters, this is like finding out from your neighbor instead of your sister that she’s engaged — not how you want or expect the news to be delivered,” Silberman said.”

Or, it’s like finding out from your self-important, annoying neighbor with histrionic personality disorder who you can barely tolerate that someone you respect picked a running mate. More like that.

In a related plea to early adopters:

If you love being first in line … and who doesn’t? … then I highly suggest you read The Hard Way. Catch the wave before the ocean rushes in.
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Here’s a Truck Stop Instead of Saint Peter’s

August 21, 2008 at 6:24 pm (Art)

“Bad art is a great deal worse than no art at all.” ~Oscar Wilde

Panther on the Moon

Panther on the Moon

This art is for sale on my local Craigslist. It’s of a panther on the moon. I sort-of wish the photo of it were better, but then that would mean I wouldn’t be able to see the reflection of a framed James Dean poster in the glass. There’s always a trade-off.

The seller wrote:

“I bought this a few years ago for $350. It is a very nice piece. Black frame, real glass, very heavy. It has brought our family many great conversations. I must sell due to lack of money. I am asking $150 or best offer.”

Yes, a good piece of art is often described as “very heavy.” You hear it at Sothbey’s all the time. I’m baffled that this collector is having financial troubles with investment choices that include $350 Panther on the Moon art. The bad economy is really getting to all of us.
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And Now A Word From Trojans

August 18, 2008 at 9:39 am (News)

“It’s not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.” ~Frank Zappa

Pin-Up Girl with Towel by Joyce Ballantyne

Pin-Up Girl with Towel by Joyce Ballantyne

I hate to be a traitor to my foremothers who struggled to make my life so cushy and full and big. I really do. And I truly appreciate that I have control over my reproductive system. It’s absolutely a monumental turn in their revolution, and The Pill was biggest gun that fight (sorry, Roe vs. Wade). However, as big a tool it was in breaking the barefoot-and-pregnant shackles, The Pill’s time is over. It’s making a mess of things out there.

Sure, there are women who get terrible cramps that The Pill helps. And there are women with acne that The Pill helps. And there are women who don’t want to get their periods that The Pill helps. But consider the stakes … I’m not talking about STDs. It’s worse. The Pill is causing unhealthy kids and bad marriages.

I am not being an alarmist. A new study has revealed that woman on The Pill pick bad mates. And bad mating practices weaken the gene pool. Here’s what’s happening:

The Pill stops ovulation by releasing hormones that make the body think it’s pregnant. Biologically speaking, when the body is pregnant, women aren’t seeking a mate. Mate seeking behavior, despite our highly developed cognitive abilities, still has a lot to do with smell. We like to think we pick mates based on common interests and goals, but we wouldn’t have picked them if they smelled like doo-doo. That’s why we kiss, to taste and smell our mates.

We all have a “smell type.” Technically, I’m talking about our MHC gene. When women seek a mate, men with different MHC genes smell best. This is has an evolutionary purpose. If we mate with someone with different MHC genes, we will produce offspring with a wider gene range. Wider gene ranges equal hearty, healthy survival-of-the-fittest people.

When women are pregnant, people with similar MHC genes smell better. This is also a biological function allowing pregnant women to seek people, like family members, to help raise the baby. So, basically, The Pill-taking women could be dating men who have similar genes to their brothers. When partners with similar MHC genes mate, they produce offspring with less hearty immune systems.

Additionally, people with similar MHC genes have fertility problems, they are less satisfied in their relationships, and more likely to cheat. It stands to reason, of course. But apparently there is a study to support this.

So, see? The Pill leads to bad marriages and unhealthy kids.

I know all of this sounds very one-sided. As if women are the only mate seekers in the mating equation. But there are studies to show that when non-pill taking women are ovulating, men are more attracted to them. (Well, actually the study showed that non-pill taking strippers who were ovulating made more tips than non-ovulating strippers.) In the same vein, when non-pill taking women are most fertile, they prefer handsome, manly men (“symmetrical men”). So, you know, human ovulation isn’t as hidden as we think. As usual, we’ve found a way to screw it up.

So, now what we have to look forward to is a burgeoning generation of women who are getting their tubes tied only to wake up next to smelly, fey husbands to go to unfulfilling full-time jobs where they get crappy health insurance which they really need because the kids are always at the doctor’s office. Plus, they need to save up to send their not-so-bright, sickly offspring to mediocre schools. The good news is that our foremothers made that full-time job possible; and the tubal ligation is easy, safe, and legal; and if they want to divorce their husbands, they won’t be shunned. Hurray?

Interesting things I was reading when I wrote this:

Scents and Sensibility | BU Today

Social Psychology, by Kenneth S. Bordens, Irwin A. Horowitz

Scent and Mate Selection
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Saturday, Saturday, Saturday! (Aug. 9th)

August 7, 2008 at 11:16 pm (Uncategorized)

“Do you want to know who you are? Don’t ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.” ~Thomas Jefferson

Julie Luongo at the Kennedy Space Center

Julie Luongo at the Kennedy Space Center

You are cordially invited to my Saturday, August 9th book signing at Waldenbooks in the Stroud Mall, Stroudsburg, PA from 1 to 3pm. Thomas Jefferson thinks you should Act, Act, Act on your impulse to come to the nice cool mall!

Ok, actually, I’m begging you. Please stop by and see me. I’ll give you candy. And I can chat like nobody’s business. I love a good stop and chat. Come by and see. The air conditioned mall is beckoning you.

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Other People Read, Too

August 2, 2008 at 1:23 pm (Familia, Friends, Storytime, The Hard Way)

“We read deeply for varied reasons, most of them familiar: that we cannot know enough people profoundly enough; that we need to know ourselves better; that we require knowledge, not just of self and others, but of the way things are.” ~Harold Bloom

Julie Luongo signs books

Julie Luongo signs books

It’s been a few weeks since my first book signing, which was a ball. I’ve been meaning to post and thank everyone who came out and bought books. Thanks. (If you missed the signing or if you just love The Hard Way and want to buy signed copies for friends, I’ll be at Waldenbooks in the Stroud Mall, Stroudsburg, PA on August 9th from 1-3pm.)

I thought I was going to be sitting at the table all alone, watching people avoid eye contact as they passed by. But that wasn’t what happened at all. It turned out to be a swinging good time with books and stories and people I haven’t seen in ages and super-cool supporters of book writers. So, whew, and again, big thanks.

There aren’t many stories to tell about the signing…it was a whirlwind of activity. And I didn’t do anything horrendously stupid or embarrassing. However, I was reminded of an early writing experience, so I’ll tell you that story instead.

When I was a youngster, an adorable second grader to be exact, my whole class was asked to make posters for the Reading Is Fundamental (RIF) program. It was a contest. We had just finished a unit on Holland, which I was completely fascinated with. I still haven’t been to the Netherlands, which is a terrible oversight in my travels. But that’s besides the point.

So, with Holland on the brain and the RIF contest at hand, I decided to override the RIF message and create my own tag line. I titled my poster “Other People Read Too” and I drew a little Holland girl in her pigtails and wooden shoes holding a book standing in front of a windmill surrounded by red tulips. It was inspired. “Other People Read Too!” Had anyone in second grade thought of that, huh? Those people in Holland who spoke another language…they read. A stunning revelation, indeed.

My teacher loved it and gave me the top prize. As the winner, I got to pick from her drawer of surprises. I took the watercolor set.

Clutching the watercolors in one hand and the blue-ribbon poster in the other, I raced home and showed my mother who made a big deal over me. I was pretty proud of myself for being so clever and winning watercolors. Other People Read Too! Brilliant. My mother pinned the poster up in the kitchen, in a special spot on the cabinet. This was no ordinary refrigerator fodder.

Then my older sisters descended. They stood in front of the poster and took in its radiance. I was waiting for their praise of my neatly rendered scene of Holland, of my clever observation that those people read. But instead, they both burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter. They laughed and laughed and laughed. They pointed. They held their stomaches. They held onto each other. They fell to the ground. They rolled on the floor.

Apparently, I’d written “Other Peopole Read Too.” Yes, that’s right…I misspelled People as Peopole. It was the height of comedy. My sisters loved the irony. I won a RIF contest with a poster with a misspelling. They wondered aloud if other peopole (say: Pee-Po-Elle) spelled poorly, too. In fact, they still sometimes tell me that other peopole read, too.

I was reminded of this story because apparently other peopole do read too as evidenced by the book signing where other peopole were buying The Hard Way. Also, turns out I’m still a bad speller, which I noticed when I was inscribing books to people I knew without spellcheck…”thanks for reeding. Your great.”

This Just In: British academic proposes leniency for misspellers.

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