“Don’t care how you look, it’s just how you feel.” ~Spice Girls
An Open Letter to the Spice Girls:
Dear Scary, Baby, Ginger, Posh, and Sporty,
We appreciate your attempt to reunite for the sake of the “fans” in the name of “friendship,” but we have a ridiculous, pseudo-girl-band. They’re called The Pussycat Dolls. They filled the void you left. Some would argue that you didn’t leave a void at all. However, you apparently did, and we got them. So, you see, your reunion is just crowding that space.
Additionally, Geri, I watched the music video for Headlines (above) and I should tell you, Madonna is our “much too thin, aged pop-star with too few clothes and frightening ripped abs.”
PS. Mel C, I’m sorry your solo career isn’t going well. I like your voice.
*To my friends who prefer high culture to pop culture, I’m sorry for this drivel. If you only have a vague recollection of The Spice Girls, here’s a picture of them from the late 90s, in their former glory:
Here they are today:
Posh Spice, Victoria Beckham – b. 1974: Hypnotoad Spice. (Don’t look directly into her eyes. That’s how she got David Beckham under her spell):
Scary Spice, Melanie Brown – b. 1975: Not-As-Scary-as-Posh-Spice Spice
Ginger Spice, Geri Halliwell – b. 1972: Suspected Mental Disorder Spice
Baby Spice, Emma Bunton – b. 1976: Needs Rogaine Spice
Sporty Spice, Melanie Chisholm – b. 1974: Actual Talent Spice
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