Holiday Gift Giving Guide, Part 2

November 29, 2007 at 7:49 pm (Art, Consumerism, Holidays)
Tags:

“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.” ~The Rolling Stones

Unicycle by Schlumpf

One Christmas my sister and I spent hours fantasizing about unicycles. We didn’t get them. It was our own fault. We asked Santa for them a scant two days before Christmas. We understood. Revisions made to the list at that late date might not be accommodated.

Years later when I tried to learn to snowboard I realized that whatever I got instead of the unicycle was a treasure. No matter how much I thought I wanted that thing, I wouldn’t have wanted it after about 3 hours of landing on my sore tailbone and / or tender kneecaps.

And yet, I still want Gravity Defying Boots (99.95 – $139.95). I can’t help it – we all have our weaknesses. They look fun! Running in them would be like the dream I have that I love:

Gravity Defying Boots

But I know better and will use my best product discernment skills to resist temptation as I turn the pages of high-priced junk catalogs this holiday season. And so continues my list of products you should not buy:

TimeMug, The World’s Only Dishwasher Safe Time-Telling Mug – $24.95 – 29.95

For the wristless

This is touted as a “clever alternative to glancing at your watch during meetings.” Here’s an idea. Don’t be such a wuss and look at your watch if you need to be somewhere at a certain time. If not, pay attention during your meetings like the good employee you are. Just remember, someone somewhere right now is unemployed and eager to get your job.

Naturally, I do support this product for the wristless. (Thanks to Messiest Objects for showing it to me.)

Pop-Up Hot Dog Cooker – $49.95

Pop-Up Hot Dog Cooker

Do you want to spend almost fifty bucks to make hot dogs? While you’re at it, why not buy an Easy Bake Oven and start a wedding cake bakery? Maybe you could run the bakery out of your house and then buy yourself a Jaguar for the commute.

If you really need to buy a kitchen appliance, here’s one I approve:

The Wolfgang Puck Toaster Oven / Toaster – $99.50

The Wolfgang Puck Toaster Oven / Toaster

Because sometimes the toaster ovens just don’t toast so well.

Again, check in soon for more valuable shopping tips and feel free to link me to products to review. I’m here to help.
website stats

13 Comments

Holiday Gift Giving Guide, Part 1

November 25, 2007 at 2:43 pm (Consumerism, Holidays, You Tubes)

“I’m not giving Christmas gifts to adults this year.” ~Julie Luongo (Thanksgiving 2007)

I had Barbie’s Country Camper (above) when I was little, and oh, how I loved it. Not only did my Barbies go camping in that fabulous toy, but I also rode down the hall hundreds of times on top of the camper. Ah, yes, those were the days when products were more than they promised to be.

So, my first point here is that Christmas gifts are for kids. Would you rather buy your Harry Potter-loving spouse a completely unnecessary Hogwarts House Crest Keychain ($24.50) or some little kid a toy she’ll remember into her adulthood like the Barbie Mini Kingdom Magical Expandable Castle Playset ($18.99)?

Despite my protests, I realize that you might still insist on buying crap for your grown-up friends and relatives. If so, my second point is, if you must buy adult’s gifts, do your best to avoid making tragic choices. I’m here to help (and offer economical solutions). Please, I beg you, do not buy:

1. Sharper Image “Now You Can Find It!” Electronic Locator – $49.95

Sharper Image “Now You can Find It” (if you can find it)

I’m not sure the makers of this product fully thought out its utility. If you haven’t seen this little memory tool yet, the basic premise is that you attach key chains to things you tend to lose. When they’re lost, all you have to do is push a button on the master remote. The corresponding key chain will alert you to the whereabouts of the item.

As you can see from the picture, the “Now You Can Find It” system will track my television remote! How handy. But, wait a sec … if I’m the sort of person who loses my TV remote, then how exactly should I be expected to keep track of my “Now You Can Find It” remote? Tricky.

Additionally, I’m not sure how I’d attach a key chain hook to a remote control, or a pair of glasses, or my cell phone. I suppose I would just need to remember to put the things I might tend to lose next to the remote control key chain. Maybe I could always put my TV remote and my glasses and my cell phone in the same spot? Ingenious idea. And if I forget to do this, I’ll get a giant ribbon and tie it on my finger.

I’ll even sell you my “Finger Ribbon Memory Device” at a discount (compared to the product above). Just send $29.95. I’ll know what it’s for.

2. Panasonic Core Trainer – from $1166 to $1995

Panasonic Core Trainer

The Core Trainer is a saddle shaped machine that wiggles about, at variable speeds, forcing the “rider” to not only look super-sexy but to also constantly readjust and balance, thereby engaging the abs and back muscles. The Core Trainer video (link above) claims that this product is good for people with limited mobility – ie. seniors. Apparently the senior population is immune to saddle sores.

I’m not convinced that the logic of this piece of equipment is sound. The video says they studied horseback riders and used their movement as the basis of their design. My sister, who’s spent more time on top of a horse than she has on the ground, takes yoga and pilates to improve her core strength (and improve her riding). While my sister (who rides so often she barely has time to eat) is fit and slim, I’ve been to her horse shows and seen all of the pudgy girls and women squeezed into their britches. I’ll tell you, it doesn’t inspire confidence in the Panasonic Core Trainer.

If you’re looking to improve your core strength, here’s an innovative idea … get on the floor and do 100 crunches every night. Cost to you: Free. Naturally, you can remit payment to me for my sound advice. Does $19.95 seem fair? That’s over $1000 savings.

As opposed to other years of my life, I’m not on an anti-consumerism campaign. I just got a fancy little digital camera that I’m deeply in love with. So, at the moment, I’m forgiving of material lust, (which is convenient, as my birthday is next week). I’m really just trying to help you avoid the lure of slick marketing. Check in soon for more valuable shopping tips (and, as always, feel free to send me any suggestions for product review).
website stats

29 Comments

Snow Day!

November 19, 2007 at 8:47 pm (Distractions)
Tags: ,

“Sunshine cannot bleach the snow, nor time unmake what poets know.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Peter Miller, Perpetual Ocean, Biluminous 19

In honor of the first snow day of the year, I’m reposting the link to my favorite winter time-wasting activity. Make your own virtual snowflakes (thanks, Jen). If you want to see some beauties, you can search mine (I’m JLU in PEEYAY).

Ah, now I have a fake fire, virtual snowflakes, and microwaved hot chocolate. I feel like I’m in a 70s movie about the future.
website stats

6 Comments

HoHoHo for the Status Quo

November 15, 2007 at 6:26 pm (Holidays, News)
Tags:

“Whores and writers, Mahound. We are the people you can’t forgive.” ~Salman Rushdie

Disgruntled Carved Santa Folk Art

It’s begun. Holiday Madness. An Australian Santa was asked to laugh a hearty hahaha so as not to offend children by calling out a slur toward women (hohoho). I’m not sure which annoys me more…the idiot who asked the Santa not to say hohoho, the Santa who didn’t just laugh it off, the reporter who wrote about it, Yahoo News for picking it up, or myself for ranting about it. Bunch of hohohos, the lot of us.
website stats

17 Comments

Sixth Sick Sheik’s Sixth Sheep’s Sick

November 10, 2007 at 1:53 pm (Uncategorized)
Tags: , ,

“The first penny had the motto Mind Your Own Business.” ~Imprecise Snapple fact #163. The first penny had the motto Mind Your Business.

Mind Your Business Penny

I just received one of those email forwards of little known facts. I actually liked some of them even though I don’t generally believe “facts” sent in forwards. It’s what happens when you’re a gullible kid. Oh, I believed. Until that fateful day when I learned that some of the Snapple facts are incorrect.

If all Snapple facts aren’t facts, well, then everything is suspect. Certainly email forwards are dubious. Nevertheless, I’m going to post the few I liked (and thought were probably mostly true). If you’re a fact checker, give me a heads up … really, feel free to mind my business:

The “sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick” is said, to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

Every episode of Seinfeld has a Superman reference or image.

More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world’s nuclear weapons combined.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

I really just like the tongue twister one. I can barely think it correctly. And the ball point pen information is a useful reminder not to put a pen in my mouth.

Here’s the Snapple “fact” quote above. I found it on this site where it’s verified as “true.” So, I guess it’s a good thing that I’m also wary of the skeptics:

True, false, or just imprecise
website stats

13 Comments

OJ Due in Court and Is J-Lo Pregnant? Tonight at 11.

November 8, 2007 at 12:34 pm (News)
Tags:

“The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.” ~David Brinkley

Television News Magazine Cover from 1931

I’ve got a few hot button issues. I’m sure everyone does. There are some injustices in the world that are more meaningful than others for everyone. On the top of my list atrocities is human trafficking. The fact that containers of kids and women are shipped from their homes to some foreign land to work as slaves and live like veal calves makes me despair like nothing else. And that’s saying something since I’m not happy about lots of things including:

  • Pollution, ignorance, and the willfully irresponsible behavior that’s contributing to global warming
  • Starvation deaths, overpopulation, and easily controlled diseases that pervade
  • Racism, the healthcare system, homelessness, and child abuse in the US
  • Genocide in Darfur, wars (read: Iraq), the rape and mistreatment of women around the world

Those are just the top issues that get my indignation and outrage. I know that rating the importance of violations to human rights and my personal ethical system is somewhat hypocritical, but I’m learning to live with this just as some people learn to live without shelter.

With some measure of shame, I’ll admit that I’m not passionate about smoking laws, drug control, Lacy Peterson’s death, prayer in school, that women who was killed in Aruba, tainted pet food, Rush Limbaugh’s former addiction to prescription drugs, a rash of suicides in Japan, post-traumatic stress disorder in war vets, Ritilin use in children, surgery on an 8-limbed girl, a car accident down the street that caused traffic problems, anorexic celebrities, and urban sprawl. Basically, what I’m saying is that the stories reported daily on the evening news leave me cold.

What television news makes me feel passionately about whenever I watch it is my belief that it’s a load of crap. If I were the mother of an 8-limbed girl who got surgery, I’d care deeply. And it would probably annoy me that a bunch of slack-jawed American’s heard our plight. I’m truly disgusted that the news gave special coverage to the bridge that fell in the Mississippi River but discusses the genocide in Darfur in one line, occasionally. I’m ashamed that there’s human trafficking that leads to sex slavery and forced labor all over the world while television news discusses at length the fate of Dog the Bounty Hunter.

Now, it’s true that I don’t watch the news very often. So, I might be way out of line. Possibly, when I turn on the television news I’m catching a rare moment when the newscasters have turned to a human interest piece, and I’m condemning them forever for it.

Either way, I’m as guilty as the news makers. I usually only keep up with the issues I care about. I troll such biased channels as the BBC and Human Rights News. Worse is that sometimes I bury my head in a book and can only talk about some fictional character for weeks. Plus, I have soft issues like censorship and journalistic ethics that I care deeply about. So, I’m not part of the solution.

Knowing that most people don’t have access to basic healthcare and that Burmese children are forced to become soldiers breaks my heart, which is of no help to the underserved or vulnerable. Being sickened by the people in the world who commit atrocities doesn’t stop them from happening.

For all of my fruitless indignation, I might as well join the ranks of people who passionately opine about a student who got in trouble for hugging a classmate or the celebrity who got a DUI. It’s good blogger fodder, after all. And, if you’ve been reading here for a while, you know that I wrote about Lindsay Lohan’s exploits for a year.

But no matter how many opinions I can muster about soft, celebrity, or provincial news stories, I can’t pretend I actually care. So, between apathy about non-news and impotent rage about real tragedy, I guess I’m fated for the latter.

website stats

45 Comments

Love of Life Makes Me Weak at My Knees

November 4, 2007 at 2:58 pm (Movies, Music)
Tags:

“It is a magnificent feeling to recognize the unity of complex phenomena which appear to be things quite apart from the direct visible truth.” ~Albert Einstein

I never get sick of watching Wes Anderson movies. I went through a period of weeks, maybe months, when I put in The Royal Tenenbaums DVD every night before I fell asleep. I was going to move on to Rushmore, but I couldn’t get off the Tenenbaums.

Now I have The Darjeeling Limited to obsess about. It’s about three adult brothers who reconnect for an adventure through India. Basically, they end up dealing with their messy lives caused, presumably, but the abandonment they felt by their parents. It’s classic Wes Anderson ground. And I always like it. The settings are beautiful, the music is moving, the dialog is clever, and the angst is relevant.

But the real reason I truly love Wes Anderson’s films is because they remind me that my own experience is full of exquisite moments, and despite the suffering and struggle and doubt and disbelief, the beauty of it overwhelms me.

Strangers by The Kinks

Where are you going I don’t mind
I’ve killed my world and I’ve killed my time
So where do I go what do I see
I see many people coming after me

So where are you going to I don’t mind
If I live too long I’m afraid I’ll die
So I will follow you wherever you go
If your offered hand is still open to me

Strangers on this road we are on
We are not two we are one

So you’ve been where I’ve just come
From the land that brings losers on
So we will share this road we walk
And mind our mouths and beware our talk

‘Till peace we find tell you what I’ll do
All the things I own I will share with you
And if I feel tomorrow like I feel today
We’ll take what we want and give the rest away

Strangers on this road we are on
We are not two we are one

Holy man and holy priest
This love of life makes me weak at my knees
And when we get there make your play
‘Cos soon I feel you’re gonna carry us away

In a promised lie you made us believe
For many men there is so much grief
And my mind is proud but it aches with rage
And if I live too long I’m afraid I’ll die

Strangers on this road we are on
We are not two we are one
Strangers on this road we are on
We are not two we are one

website stats

52 Comments