We should feel a great sense of urgency because it is the most dangerous crisis we have ever faced, by far. But it also provides us with opportunities to do a lot of things we ought to be doing for other reasons anyway. And to solve this crisis we can develop a shared sense of moral purpose. ~Al Gore, on the environmental crisis and not LiLo’s problems
As many of you know, I’ve been writing about Lindsay Lohan since I started this blog. It was rough year for Lindsay. (Well, almost a year.) I’ll recap:
- After she fell a few times, she was getting a reputation for being either a klutz or a drunk. While the jury was out, she showed up in an empty parking lot in the evening, I think she was taking a smoke break, just being a regular under-aged kid, and she was caught on video doing some high kicks. It was cute. Ah, those were the days.
- Things got ugly at Halloween when Lindsay dressed like a firefighter slut. Awful.
- My Lindsay Lohan without panties entry was the low point in my year with her. Sure, I posted links and links and links. But, in my defense, I waited to post them. At first I thought, ok, everyone has gone without panties for a reason or two. But when she kept doing it, well, I just couldn’t keep quiet.
- I still defended her talent. I reminisced about her remakes of my favorite Disney movies. This was before I saw Herbie the Lovebug. Whoo-wee did that stink.
- I was as appalled as anyone when the parade of willful stupidity graced the tabloids as Lindsay, Paris, and Britney traipsed around being ignorant and showing girls everywhere that if you’re scantily dressed and openly boorish, you can be on top of the LA social scene.
Things eventually fell apart for Lindsay. She went to some AA meetings (and continued to drink). I didn’t blame her because I knew that her mother called herself the white Oprah, and that made me pity Lindsay. Then Robert Altman died and Lindsay wrote his family a sympathy note from her Blackberry. But give her a break, I said. She’s a kid. And apparently the white Oprah only ever taught her to handwrite checks.
When people started making fun of her for her poor grammar, it made her so mad she asked Al Gore to help. And this is when I stopped giving LiLo the benefit of the doubt. Yes, Lindsay and I broke up. I guess she didn’t know that Al is my politician. Moreover, he’s saving the planet and is quite busy not worrying about teen celebrity angst. We should all be so lucky.
Then things completely unraveled. LiLo had her appendix removed (mimicking my sister Sarah). She made out with Samantha Ronson in Japan. She got a DUI. She went to rehab. She left rehab. She went back in. She got out and got busted again for DUI with cocaine. She claims she was wearing someone else’s pants. Nice. Let someone else take the blame. That’s some high moral fiber. (My sister, on the other hand, recovered quite nicely while she also raised a few kids and worked her do-gooder job. So, Lindsay can’t blame the appendix removal, although I suspect she’ll eventually get around to blaming everything and everyone else but herself.)
I feel partly responsible. I know I have dark powers and can ruin the lives of complete strangers. Magical thinking explains it. I try to use my powers for good. So, I’m sorry to Lindsay. I didn’t realize until now that her trouble started in full force when she messed with Al Gore. I guess that’ll teach her. Trying to derail his mission. Some nerve. See, I’m still mad.
So, now that it’s almost over, I’m consider a new celebrity blogging project. I think it’ll go better on this next attempt. I’ve gotten a few suggestions for possible replacements:
- Danica McKellar (Gary)
- Jason Lee, Bono, Jason Priestly (Jenn)
- Jeffrey Tambor (Christy)
- Maggie Gyllenhaal (KC)
- Greg Grunberg (Dayv)
- Anne Hathaway, Bif Naked, Rasputina (Michael)
- Hello Kitty (Jim)
I’m thinking maybe Tina Fey or Cate Blanchett. Blanchett and her husband are running a theater company in Sydney, which sounds like fun. Or maybe Conan O’Brien? He’s cool. I could just stick with Richard Branson and kill two blogging topics with one stone. I’m not sure. We’ll see.
I’m actually hoping someone will suggest a celebrity and the name will jump out at me and say, “I’m the one.” What will probably happen is I’ll make a hasty decision at the last moment, which is how I make all of my semi-long-term commitments.
michael said,
August 8, 2007 at 2:15 am
I think Maggie Gyllenhaal is a fine choice. She’s too cool to get caught being a public retard, AND she’s actually talented and interesting. And of course, hot.
On the other hand, it might be interesting to follow Sarah Michelle Gellar around… she thought she was too cool for Buffy and distanced herself from that project so she wouldn’t be Captain Kirked and could continue to pursue her career. A not laughable desire, but how’s that going for her? Or Alyson Hannigan, because Willow was hot, and somewhat talented, yet she seems to be making interestingly awful career choices. Or David Boreanaz, because he started out as a teen hunk goddawful actor, yet given his own show and a bit of time became quite good, and is currently on another semi-hit show.
Oh! OR, Nathan Fillion, because he was awesome in Firefly, and deserves to be more noticed because he’s just cool.
MamaPeg is Watching You said,
August 8, 2007 at 8:48 am
This is who you should blog about!! She is your new celebrity! I have been following her forever. She is an amazing woman as you will see when you click her many links.
MamaPeg is Watching You said,
August 8, 2007 at 8:48 am
Right now, Dayv is groaning!
Gary said,
August 8, 2007 at 10:11 am
I recommend Winnie from the Wonder Years a while ago, but I guess you missed it. It’s ok she’s boring causes she’s smart and likes math. A lot. What kind of girl like’s math? A boring one. But she’s still cute. Cute and boring.
Gary said,
August 8, 2007 at 10:12 am
I forgot the article
julieluongo said,
August 8, 2007 at 11:02 am
Oh, yeah, you’re right, Gary I did forget her. I even read the article about her when you suggested it. That’s actually kind-of funny…you know, since she’s boring. (BTW: I edited the entry to include Winnie.)
julieluongo said,
August 8, 2007 at 11:06 am
Is Dayv groaning becasue of Suzanne Muldowney? He doesn’t like Underdog? Or is it Spectum the Ghost King that chaps him? Peg, how do you know this woman? I swear, you come out with the craziest stuff.
julieluongo said,
August 8, 2007 at 11:10 am
Ok, so the new list has:
Suzanne Muldowney
Another vote for Maggie Gyllenhaal
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Alyson Hannigan
David Boreanaz
Nathan Fillion
Michael, how about just go straight to the Joss? I can cover Comicon and talk about the fan fic. Hmm. I’m liking this. Hey, what about Alexis Denisof or Charisma Carpenter or James Marsters! Although, are any of them doing anything?
Jenn said,
August 8, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Okay, that screwed with my mind. When Gary said he recommended Winnie, I thought, but she IS on the list, she’s Danica McKellar. Then Julie explained it, and I was like Ohhhhhhhh. Well there you go.
I still like Jason Lee, but I may rethink that, after seeing the commercials for Underdog. I remember the cartoon, and this is just an idiotic remake. Dear Jason Lee, stick with Kevin Smith movies, okay?
I might have to cast a vote for Maggie. She’s cute and mostly talented, but she’s got a big mouth and a teeny tiny censor in it, so she could get interesting. Sarah Michelle is married to Freddie Prinze, and even though everyone made fun of his show, I still liked it anyway.
And speaking of television, what’s wrong with How I Met Your Mother? Allyson Hannigan is in that and she’s pretty good. In fact, the whole show is pretty good. Sadly, however, the Class was cancelled. I liked that show too. I’m pretty easy to please.
julieluongo said,
August 8, 2007 at 12:22 pm
What was Freddie Prinze’s show? And I haven’t watch Allyson’s Hannigan’s show, but I saw commercials and it looked pretty good.
Jenn said,
August 8, 2007 at 12:50 pm
You should watch Allyson Hannigan’s show. Doogie Howser is on it. He’s hilarious.
Freddie Prinze had a show called Freddie with Brian Austin Greene playing his next door neighbor and best friend. Basically, they own a restaurant and they’re rich. Freddie is the chef and BAG is the financial partner cause he has nothing better to do with his huge inheritance. Oh yeah, and Freddie’s sister, sister in law, niece and grandmother all live with him.
julieluongo said,
August 8, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Didn’t BAG open a restaurant in 90210? Or was that a TV movie he was in? Maybe it was a movie I saw on TV. I think that was it.
Jenn said,
August 8, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Well I looked him up on IMDB to see if they said anything about a restaurant and his bio says he’s engaged to Vanessa Marcil, with whom he has a son. But then later in the bio, it says he’s engaged to Megan Fox, who played Sydney Shanowski on Hope and Faith (Kelly Ripa and Faith Ford). So clearly he is too busy for a restaurant.
Jim said,
August 8, 2007 at 9:16 pm
Not to sound like a whiny bitch or anything, but it looks like you’re not really taking MY suggestion of Hello Kitty seriously and my feelings are all ready to go have a cry about it.
BTW, Hello Kitty wingding fonts – I’ve got ‘em!
Sarah said,
August 8, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Scott Baio!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA How could no one suggest the obviously best choice? He is a total tool and he is trying the reality stuff. And, since you ruin actors when you blog about them, it is good to pick a jerk. I’m addicted to his show.
julieluongo said,
August 9, 2007 at 12:24 am
Jim, I’m taking Hello Kitty quite seriously. She’s a front runner. I’ve been saying “Hello, Kitty” in my head the way Jerry says “Hello, Newman,” for days now. It’s really quite distracting when you get right down to it. “Hello, Kitty.” Over and over. “Hello, Kitty.” Actually, that might deter me from choosing Hello Kitty.
julieluongo said,
August 9, 2007 at 12:27 am
And Sarah, the 20 minutes I watched of Scott Baio’s show enraged me. What a child. He treated an ex-girlfriend badly and then was being the hugest wuss about owning up to it. He reminded me of the guy from Todd TV, a show no one watched but me. Boy baby whiners.
Now, excuse me while I go pull my skirt over my boobs and go out in public for an adult beverage. (I thought people stared because I was fabulous…now, I suspect it’s becasue of the skirt-dress. Great.)
Jenn said,
August 9, 2007 at 12:41 am
The skirt dress visual is killing me.
Jenn said,
August 9, 2007 at 12:41 am
And I have just finished putting all the PSU and Cowboys games on my calendar. I freaking LOVE football. I’m so excited.
MamaPeg is Watching You said,
August 9, 2007 at 5:56 am
Cowboys? COWBOYS?
MamaPeg is Watching You said,
August 9, 2007 at 6:03 am
Peg, how do you know this woman? I swear, you come out with the craziest stuff.
Julie, you forget that I live a charmed life. I am, after all, Dooner’s mom.
So to answer the question, she sings in the choir at my church. I’ve known her for nearly 20 years – if anyone can really know her. She’s pretty complex and yes that OCD thing factors in as well.
Dave is groaning becasue he thinks I’M obsessed with HER.
Maybe you could do Hello Kitty AND UnderDog Woman!
Jenn said,
August 9, 2007 at 8:20 am
Yes, I am a huge Dallas Cowboys fan and proud of it.
Dayv said,
August 9, 2007 at 9:30 am
Wow, I’m way behind…
And I don’t think Peg is obsessed with Suzanne… Peg IS obsessed. There was a period where Peg was checking Suzanne’s blog daily just to see what crazy thing she’d say or do next…. and when the documentary about Suzanne came out., well what a fun time that was. And yes, I groaned when I just read that.
To add to Michael’s comment… David Boreanaz = teh hottie. You can have Buffy and Willow. I used to watch Angel and was pissed when it got canceled. Now I watch Bones.
I do like Charisma Carpenter, though it’s probably because the character she played on Buffy and then on Angel was such a bitch. (I gets along with da bitches for some reason…) I thought Cordelia was awesome.
Dayv said,
August 9, 2007 at 9:32 am
BTW… if you go to Suzanne’s website, be sure to read her comic strips. See how she wins over the children who don’t believe a middle-aged woman in a red suit and cape could accurately portray a male, cartoon-character dog.
Dayv said,
August 9, 2007 at 9:47 am
Blech, maybe I should finish a thought before clicking post. Here’s a link to the comics… they’re hard to find on the website. The 2nd one is hard to read but worth the potential blindess just for sheer cheese factor.
http://muldowneyville.tripod.com/comics.htm
MamaPeg is Watching said,
August 9, 2007 at 10:00 am
Suzanne is stone-cold crazy. If she had lived 20 years ago, she’d have been in Byberry receiving electric shock treatment.
I know, I know, it’s not nice to make fun of the mentally ill – but we’re all a little mentally ill – at least I am – and Julie is, too, with the skirt over her boobs dress!
julieluongo said,
August 9, 2007 at 11:37 am
I think I saw Suzanne in a parade in Hatboro.
I forgive you all for liking football. Sports, ew.
julieluongo said,
August 9, 2007 at 11:51 am
And this is for you Dayv:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/5b/David_Boreanaz_May_2004_smiling.jpg/400px-David_Boreanaz_May_2004_smiling.jpg
Dayv said,
August 9, 2007 at 11:53 am
“I forgive you all for liking football. Sports, ew.”
I’m with you! Though I did watch Men’s swimming and gymnastics in the 2004 summer games, but that had little to do with interest in the actual sports…
julieluongo said,
August 9, 2007 at 11:57 am
Haha. There’s a reason for all of those medium shots in football coverage – to show the gluteus maximus.
Dayv said,
August 9, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Oooh, that’s one I don’t have in my collection. Let’s see… right click… Save Picture As…
Thanks!
Christy said,
August 9, 2007 at 1:42 pm
What about Matthew Mcconaughey – he’s always good for idle chit chat and the occasional scandal..
julieluongo said,
August 9, 2007 at 3:04 pm
Good one. I have an old picture of him brushing his teeth in his car. I saved it because I too obsess about my teeth.
Sissy said,
August 9, 2007 at 10:47 pm
http://youtube.com/watch?v=kbVhWjIyb6o
Sissy said,
August 9, 2007 at 10:47 pm
That cat is up to no good.
julieluongo said,
August 10, 2007 at 1:58 am
At least she’s not mocking me with a little dance.
Dayv said,
August 10, 2007 at 8:54 am
Looks like HK’s vacation went better than the last one I took…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqrzI-hBHJA part I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-v8YFKfIhY part II
Dayv said,
August 10, 2007 at 8:58 am
Oh yeah, and I was cracking myself up all last night going “Hello, Kitty.”
Jenn said,
August 10, 2007 at 9:18 am
Did you do it in the Jerry Seinfeld “Hello Newman” voice?
julieluongo said,
August 10, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Dayv, nice vacation video. I love the Brady song!!! Sunshine Day! So happy today.
Flooded streets, umbrella-inverting winds, deserted beach. How depressing. I liked the fountain!
Bah, the sun’s overrated. Just think of all of the skin cancer you avoided. Although, you also missed men in tight shorts on South Beach.
Dayv said,
August 10, 2007 at 8:32 pm
Jenn,
Yes, I did my best “Hello, Newman” voice.
Julie,
Yes, the lack of men on South Beach was a major disappointment.
What I’m not sure I effectively conveyed in that video is that each of those viceo clips are a different day. I was there a whole week and all it did was rain. As I was in the hotel lobby on the last day waiting for the shuttle to take me to the airport, I caught the 7 day forecast… all rain.
That’ll learn me to go to FL in September!