“If I’m gonna be an old, lonely man, I’m gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I’ll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y’know. Crazy Snake Man. And I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. ‘Run away from Crazy Snake Man,’ they’ll shout!” ~Chandler Bing
Here’s a YouTube for you to start your week. Just remember, it’s not child abuse if the baby grows up to be a famous snake charmer. (Really though, don’t freak out too much. The snake is a pet. It’s defanged.)
We’ve got a big show for you this week, folks. I’ll be recapping the Lindsay Lohan blogging project in preparation for a new year of celebrity blogging. (I’m still taking suggestions for a new candidate.) I’ve got an entry for Julie Luongo Answers Your Writing Questions. And, as usual, art and quotes from people we don’t know. Stay tuned.
MamaPeg is Watching You said,
August 6, 2007 at 8:52 am
Snakes! Why’d it have to be snakes?
julieluongo said,
August 6, 2007 at 11:27 am
I had a dream about a snake biting a hawk. When I woke up, I was looking at youtubes of snakes and hawks and found this.
Really though, even if it’s defanged, would you let your baby play with it? What if the baby grows up thinking all king cobra’s are toys?
Jenn said,
August 6, 2007 at 11:43 am
Sabe is terrified of snakes. She goes white as a sheet when she sees them. I’ll never forget one trip we took to the zoo when we were much younger. We went into the reptile house and she didn’t realize there would be snakes in there (we were in elementary school or something at the time). She saw one, stopped where she was, backed up and ran out of the building.
Sissy said,
August 6, 2007 at 1:25 pm
I’ve never been bothered by snakes. My Mema used to decapitate snakes with her garden hoe. Didn’t like the critters so much. My brother used to hunt them around the farm and carry them around – big ones, too. One I recall was about 10 feet long. What bothers me more are opposums. They are very unpredictable.
michael said,
August 6, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Hmmm… some people would call it snake abuse. I’ve been getting a lot of shit on one of my YouLube videos for Lion abuse.
michael said,
August 6, 2007 at 1:47 pm
I think you should blog about Anne Hathaway. She’s in the same vein as Lindsay, and she’s much less ridiculous. Although, that might mean you have less to write about. Or maybe you could blog about Bif Naked or Rasputina. They don’t get enough attention and they’re all girly so they’re, you know, right up your alley.
Dayv said,
August 6, 2007 at 1:54 pm
“What bothers me more are opposums. They are very unpredictable.”
Yeah, and they got that stupid silent O thing going on too! How freaky is THAT?
Dayv said,
August 6, 2007 at 2:04 pm
… And another thing…
I don’t care if the snake is de-fanged… when a cobra lunges at your child, that’s just scary…
Jenn said,
August 6, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Snakes freak my mother out. My parents house backs up to a wooded area and since they have a wood burning fireplace, there are usually cords of wood stacked near the back of the yard. This is also where the clothes line was. One sunny afternoon, my mother was outside hanging clothes and a snake slithered across her foot. She completely flipped out, grabbed a shovel leaning against the nearby shed and proceeded to bludgeon the snake not only to death, but into about 15 small mushy pieces.
Jenn said,
August 6, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Also, I’d like to nominate Jason Priestly as a celebrity blog candidate. I know you have a soft spot for him.
Jim said,
August 6, 2007 at 2:44 pm
I think you should do it about Hello Kitty…
She could snap any day now…
Sissy said,
August 6, 2007 at 3:20 pm
“Yeah, and they got that stupid silent O thing going on too! How freaky is THAT?”
Whoa! So you know about that! Dang. What is that? You get pointy noise in upright position, mouth open, 8 trillion jagges teeth, and no noise. Maybe a hiss. I don’t know. I don’t think they can see. They are angry all the time. I’ve never met a happy opposum. They grunt around all night bitching about this and that.
julieluongo said,
August 6, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Jim, did you see the Hello Kitty article about the Bangkok police?
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1877167/posts
Dayv said,
August 6, 2007 at 3:58 pm
I think the Hello Kitty hair accessories would be a better punishment than the arm bands…
Sissy said,
August 6, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Oh, good god….thank you….thank you…..thank you….I’ll be on my way now….but, thank you.
julieluongo said,
August 6, 2007 at 4:03 pm
[Yes, you're welcome. No problemo.]
Opossums are super creepy. Once when I was walking my dog, we came upon one in the broad daylight. It was confused and wandering aimlessly. A day later it was dead. We watched it decompose over weeks. In the end, it was a skeleton with very wicked teeth. Very wicked.
Their babies are born as little blind worms that instinctively crawl into the mother’s pouch. Ewww, I said “mother’s pouch.”
julieluongo said,
August 6, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Dayv. nice idea. How about a Hello Kitty lunch box? Or Hello Kitty sparkle lip gloss?
Sissy said,
August 6, 2007 at 4:16 pm
http://www.fwnp.com/opossum-teeth.jpg
MamaPeg is Watching You said,
August 6, 2007 at 4:18 pm
One beautiful spring day it was time to mow the lawn for the very first time all year… My son, the famous D___, was maybe 12 years old. He went to the shed to get the lawnmower and grabbed the grass catcher bag that was leaning against the wall of the shed. It felt heavy but he realized that there was grass still in it from the last mowing of the autumn before.
All of a sudden, an opossum came scrambling out of the bag which my son promptly dropped, while screaming mind you, and he ran outof the shed ahead of the opossum, hurdled a fence and ran across the street to where my husband and I were standing toalkting to my sister and her husband.
Oh boy, did we laugh when we reached our back yard and saw that opossum scurrying along the fence.
It was a little creepy – I admit it. And scary for a 12 yearold who wasn’t expecting it!
MamaPeg is Watching You said,
August 6, 2007 at 4:19 pm
ew, sissy, just ew
Dayv said,
August 6, 2007 at 4:21 pm
I think repeat offenders should be forced to have an entire HK ensamble… though there will always be that ONE guy who will intentionally park in the wrong space or show up late because he likes Hello Kitty…
My grandparents used to have a really long (like 300-400 feet long) driveway. My mom tells a story of the family coming home one night when she was young, and a opossum was crossing the driveway. Upon seeing their vehicle coming towards her, she decided to “play ‘possum” right in the middle of the driveway. My grandfather stopped the car, and tried to shoo the animal away. When an animal’s natural instinct when faced with a threat is to lay down and pretend to be dead (complete with eyes closed and tongue hanging out of her mouth), it makes it kind of difficult to “shoo” it away. Eventually someone had to hike up to the house for a broom which they used to just push the animal out of the driveway. Once they got back in the car and drove the rest of the way to the house, THEN the opossum got up and scampered away.
Bastard.
Sissy said,
August 6, 2007 at 4:22 pm
What is this?
http://www.theblogblog.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/hellokittyhell1.jpg
Sissy said,
August 6, 2007 at 4:22 pm
“ew, sissy, just ew”
Thank you, Mama. I do try.
MamaPeg is Watching You said,
August 6, 2007 at 4:48 pm
and THIS is how we get from snakes to Hello Kitty…
julieluongo said,
August 6, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Well, Hello Kitty is winning in the polls now, which is really just my fickle opinion. But, really, after that picture Sissy linked to of HK with the long leg, I;m thinking HK’s got lots of potential. She’s a media whore, she’s consumerism at it’s worst, she’s punishing Thai police. Hmmm. Compelling.
Sissy said,
August 6, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I’m thinking one gets a two-fer with that little number up there.
Sissy said,
August 6, 2007 at 5:28 pm
How ’bout that snake in the Poisonwood Bible? I say no to green mambos. I just thought of that after thinking of the power of HK and those thong leg things. I bet they vibrate. Sure of it.
Jenn said,
August 6, 2007 at 6:09 pm
I once did a Hello Kitty cross stitch for someone’s wedding. Hello Kitty and her boyfriend dressed up like a bride and groom. I thought it was a little weird, but the bride LOVED it.
Sarah said,
August 6, 2007 at 8:40 pm
Hello Kitty cross stitch!!!! That is the funniest thing I could ever imagine you doing, Jenn. Jul, you know that Valerie was a huge fan of Hello Kitty. And now for my original comment…cobra..baby..cobra..baby..cobra..baby WHY!!!!!!!!!!
Jenn said,
August 6, 2007 at 10:16 pm
Cross stitch in general, or Hello Kitty specifically? I have a picture of it, I can show you.
Gary said,
August 6, 2007 at 10:24 pm
My 19 month old son got a huge kick out of the cobra/baby video. Had to watch it a half dozen times. He also loves the baby panda sneezing. Look it up on YT – it’s pretty easy to find.
Sissy said,
August 7, 2007 at 12:19 am
U.S. – funny video = a cat batting at a baby’s head and then the baby grabbing the cat’s tail.
Eastern Country – funny video = cobra striking baby’s head and baby double-fisting cobra in death grip.
Sarah said,
August 7, 2007 at 1:55 am
must have the picture!! Hello Kitty is the part that makes me laugh.
julieluongo said,
August 7, 2007 at 9:29 am
Wait a sec…Michael, did you call me girly? Girly? The other day I was wearing a sundress and my niece asked me why. Apparently I’ve got to step up the girly factor.
Jenn said,
August 7, 2007 at 9:35 am
Momma, you’re girly in a hippie, crunchy sort of way, yet I think you aspire to be girly in a high maintenance, how many products do you need??? kind of way (like me.)
Jenn said,
August 7, 2007 at 9:41 am
http://a94.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/103/l_8e96aec6b64381b88c88fc8c83956005.jpg
Sarah said,
August 7, 2007 at 1:34 pm
Thanks Jenn!!! And you are so right. Jul does try to up the girly factor to extend consistently into high maintenance voom, but then she runs out of steam. I didn’t see the dress yesterday, but the description sounds exactly like hippie crunchy girly. You described her girliness 100% accurately. And may I note that as a child, Jul wore baubles, beads, and carried purses all the time, but she coupled these with a red flannel shirt. hippie girlie through and through
julieluongo said,
August 7, 2007 at 5:30 pm
It’s just that I can’t ever quite get it together. I bought a bunch of little dresses to kick around in and then found myself wearing one with Tevas and a bandanna to move furniture. You can’t be a high maintenance furniture mover.
Gary said,
August 7, 2007 at 5:40 pm
pictures?
Jenn said,
August 7, 2007 at 7:27 pm
At least you are buying actual dresses and not pulling large skirts up over your boobs and calling it a dress.
julieluongo said,
August 7, 2007 at 7:30 pm
What I really want is a return to my roots. Summer Basic: white generic baby-T with slightly ruffled edges, navy Danskin skirt with elastic waistband, and red bobos.
Jenn said,
August 7, 2007 at 7:35 pm
Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be seen in public with you if you’re going to dress like you’re in elementary school.
Jenn said,
August 7, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Embrace the adult summer uniform. Khaki shorts and a tailored tee
julieluongo said,
August 7, 2007 at 7:37 pm
Ew. Shorts are for people who mow lawns.
Jenn said,
August 7, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Please. I don’t think I’ve ever mown a lawn in my life.
Sarah said,
August 8, 2007 at 10:10 pm
“pulling large skirts over your boobs and calling it a dress” HAAAAAAAAA dying laughing. That’s our girl. No one does comfy like Jul.