Marvelous Voices Redux

“I like to mumble when I act, ’cause I think it’s more realistic. For some reason, the impediment has given me the accent of a Mexican gangster.” ~David Arquette

From Creative Thursday daily paintings by Marisa

Brookdale-on-the-Lake, a Caesars Pocono Resort near to my home, is hosting the newest Marvel contest, The Superhero Search Weekend, Sept. 14-16.

Join Caesars Pocono Resorts the weekend of September 14, as we team up with Marvel Comics to find the next big superhero — it could be you!

After my original post, questions came up about the details of the contest and I had trouble verifying whether or not this was The Ultimate Voice Talent Contest or just another edition of Who Wants to Be a Superhero. I wanted so badly for it to be a voice talent search since I want my voice to come out of a superhero’s body. And I want to break into the world of voice acting.

Alas, I believe Black Widow, Nick Fury, Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Giant Man, and The Wasp might already have voices. Neverthless, here is a bit of the Black Widow script from 2004:

Annoyed in the heat of battle:

BLACK WIDOW

These amateurs, they will get us killed! We must secure the site within two minutes–no mistakes! Now move!!!

Acting with three exclamation points? I could do that!!! Well, I could do that if I could do accents. As it is, I can only do one multi-purpose accent and it’s unidentifiable. Additionally, I have neither a pleasant nor distinctive voice.

But I always wanted to be a voice talent!!! How cool would that be? Oh well, I guess I’m going to have to continue to dream of a day when a casting director is looking for a voice with a slight nasal quality and the tendency to low-talk, drift off, and garble some hard consonant sounds.

Annoyed:

JULIE LUONGO

Of all the unlucky breaks!!! Damn it all!!! Curses!!! (in indistinguishable accent)

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Play and Replay Cab Calloway

“We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.” ~Chuck Palahniuk

Cab Calloway was the coolest cat on the dance floor. Just check out the beginning of this clip of Minnie the Moocher from an old Betty Boop cartoon. That’s the moonwalk. No, that’s cooler than the moonwalk. I think there’s a little krump in there as well. He also did some scat-rap-hollaback. Someone should sample Cab. He was swinging.

The rest of the YouTube is a Betty Boop cartoon, which is creepy as usual. Max Fleischer’s trademark. I found the truncated version, which I was glad about since the full version included a weird scene where Betty got yelled at by her German parents. I didn’t know she was German. “Berta Boopenbaur, you get back here and cover up!”

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Branson: Invests in More Green and Thinks About Selling Virgins

“Business opportunities are like buses, there’s always another one coming.” ~Richard Branson

The Street Light-Study of Light by Giacomo Balla

Branson is thinking about going public with Virgin Atlantic Airways. He’s also announced that he’s thinking about selling Virgin Magastores. And he may leave or scale back his involvement in Virgin Group. Is Sir Richard the only business person who makes news by announcing possible plans?

Who can blame the guy for getting out of the game? He’s 57 and started running his first successful business at 16. Aside from being personally successful, he’s also invested in lots of green ventures in an effort to make the world a better place. If anyone deserves to retire, it’s this guy.

Oh, and if you’re keeping track of where the smart money is going, Branson’s latest green investment is in Metrolight Inc. out of Brentwood, TN. They make “Smart Electronic Ballasts” for high-intensity discharge (HID) lamps (22% of all lights are HID). Their technology reduces HID lighting energy costs by 65%. I wonder if he uses those lamps on his own private island? Probably.

If I owned an island, I’d retire to it … now. First I’d have to make the world a better place. I’d start by announcing possible plans … if only I could think some up. How about this … I’m thinking about turning off the light at my desk. If I do, it will save 100% of the energy going to that light. That wouldn’t be too shabby for a day’s work, eh?

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Quit Touching Me. Quit Touching Me. Quit Touching Me. Quit Touching Me.

“The mass, whether it be a crowd or an army, is vile” ~Benito Mussolini

This is from Michael Keferl’s blog from a beautiful summer day at the Tokyo Summerland wave pool. It was broken until 3pm, so everyone was just wading around (wading, get it?). And then, finally, the flush mechanism on the toilet began working…I mean, they fixed the wave pool.

(Thanks for sending it, Sarah.)

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Soundtrack of Life: A Romantic Comedy Apparently

“Music is the soundtrack of your life.” -Dick Clark

Sol Lewitt (9/9/1928 - 4/8/2007)
Jenn challenged me to cobble together the soundtrack of my life. I did my best. I’m actually having some anxiety about it. I’ve missed some crucial pieces. VU’s Pale Blue Eyes. Indigo Girl’s remake of Romeo and Juliet. Tom Waits’s Anywhere I Lay My Head. I couldn’t shoehorn them in. And my memory being what it is, I wonder what favorites I’ve missed. Jenn has assured me that I can change it. And with that as my disclaimer, I give you my best attempt:

Opening Credits: Freedom of ’76 by Ween or Rally by Phoenix
Waking Up: Sly by The Cat Empire
Average Day: Everyday I Write the Book by Elvis Costello
First Date: I’ve Just Seen A Face by The Beatles
Falling in Love: I Believe in a Thing Called Love by The Darkness
Love Scene: Feelin’ Love by Paula Cole
Fight Scene: Your Racist Friend by They Might Be Giants
Breaking Up: Waiting in Vain by Bob Marley
Getting Back Together: All You Need is Love by Lynden David Hall or If It’s Love by Squeeze
Secret Love: I Was Only Telling a Lie by James Taylor or When You Were Mine by Prince
Life’s Okay: Sunday Street by Squeeze
Mental Breakdown: You Don’t Know How It Feels by Tom Petty
Driving: AKA Driver by They Might Be Giants or I Drove All Night by Cyndi Lauper
Learning a Lesson: Part of the Process by Morcheeba
Deep Thought: Wild Horses by The Rolling Stones or Touch of Grey by The Grateful Dead
Flashback: Dry the Rain by The Beta Band or Ball and Biscuit by White Stripes
Partying: Meanwhile Rick James by Cake or Party and Bullshit by Notorious B.I.G.
Happy dance: We Want a Rock by They Might Be Giants
Regreting: Daytripper by The Beatles or Chain of Fools by Aretha Franklin maybe I Never Loved a Man by Aretha (depending)
Long night alone: New Slang by The Shins or Obvious Child by Paul Simon
Death scene: Goodbye by Elton John or That’s It That’s All by The Beastie Boys
Closing credits: Hey Julie by Fountains of Wayne or Josie by Steely Dan

(Thanks to KC, Spudboy, Nicholas, Lyd, Sarah, Julie P, Kathleen, Donna, Danny, and Michael for the many music introductions, some of which made it on this list.)

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Sexually Explicit … Sort of

“If you could say it in words there would be no reason to paint.” ~Edward Hopper

Warning: This video clip is not suitable for children or virgins. Exposure to this video may cause unwarranted fear of sex. It may also lead to bad technique and unpleasant future sexual experiences.

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Julie Luongo Answers Your Questions About Writing and Whatever Else, I Guess, Within Reason

“I do a great deal of research – particularly in the apartments of tall blondes” ~Raymond Chandler

Christina’s World (After Wyeth) by Josh Agle, aka Shag - http://www.shag.com/index.html

Q: Dear Julie,

Do you do research for topics that you don’t know much about, or do you just steer clear of subject matter than you have no (or little) prior knowledge of?

Thanks,

Not a writer

A: Dear Not A Writer,

Thanks for your question. It’s a good one and well written for someone who’s not a writer. I didn’t have to make any corrections to it. Are you sure you’re not a writer?

I’m always researching. I’m curious. The problem is that I’m also lazy. Really, I couldn’t be happier that I’m living in a world that has research access at my fingertips 24/7. Oh, and the joy of being able to follow my fleeting interests and make use of everything I learn. It’s probably one of the biggest reasons I became a writer. I wanted to make all of the random bits of information I gathered useful. Plus, I couldn’t ever decide what I wanted to do with my life. I was interested in too many things. So, I thought writing about my interests would give me variety and satisfaction without suffering the consequences of a long-term commitment to any one path … except for the writing path, of course.

I have to do research because, getting a glimpse at what there is to know, I recognize that I have very little knowledge about anything. In the scheme of things, I know almost nothing. It’s upsetting, really.

Given all there is to learn, I’d say I direct most of my research efforts into the study of human behavior and interpersonal interactions.

  • What motivates people?
  • Why do they do what they do?
  • How are strong opinions developed?
  • What do different people do in similar situations and why?
  • Who wants what and what will they do to get it?
  • Why do people believe what they believe?
  • Why do people tolerate what they tolerate?
  • How do people understand and communicate their needs?
  • What are people most afraid of and what do they most desire?
  • What will they do to avoid what they fear and get what they want?

I’m excited just typing these questions. My sister Sarah and I were similarly interested in human behavior. However, Sarah saw what people were doing and thought, “I can help, if I get to them early enough.” And she became a school psychologist. I looked at what people were doing and I thought, “that’s interesting.” I don’t really want to help. I just want to know for the sake of knowing. (My sister’s a better person than I.)

Also, I love to monkey around with ideas and conduct thought experiments. I prefer a discussion about what superpower you’d like to have over talk about the ramifications of the cold war on modern Russian society. I prefer to think about the road to addiction than the Road to Guantanamo. I don’t have much of a yen for straight history or politics. I never have. I like history or politics when it involves an analysis of personality. And I like them when they include the art that comes from a period of time. This is because I think the art that’s created and consumed tells me about the collective consciousness of a period of time better than any timeline narrative. But I think I’m off topic.

To answer your question in another way:

  • I research to know more about what I care about and enhance what I know
  • I research to explore new worlds I know nothing about aside from that they exist and intrigue me
  • And then I integrate my research so it doesn’t seem like I’m writing about things I don’t know about first-hand by talking about it endlessly and turning the new ideas over in my head

I do this by reading, talking, interviewing, living, traveling, asking, wondering, and imagining. I read books, blogs, threads, magazines, interviews, Q&As, police blotters, obits, comics, newspapers, studies, essays, papers, stories, novels, poems, notes, comments, emails. I watch movies and documentaries. I ask questions then I shut my mouth and listen. I watch. I guess. I conjecture. I seek new experiences. By hook or by crook.

But, I tend to write what I know in terms of setting, culture, and time. So, I do steer clear of subject matter I don’t know much about. It helps that I prefer character-driven yarns. I also prefer a modern setting. I think some basic human struggles transcend time and place. The struggle to know more, for example. I can related to that. Maybe I’ll write a book about it.

Whew, that really was a good question, Not a Writer. Thanks for being part of A Writing Life series.

Best,

Julie Luongo

If you have a question for Julie Luongo about writing or whatever else, I guess, within reason, (and don’t expect an immediate answer) email her at: juluongo@yahoo.com

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The Lindsay Lohan Project

We should feel a great sense of urgency because it is the most dangerous crisis we have ever faced, by far. But it also provides us with opportunities to do a lot of things we ought to be doing for other reasons anyway. And to solve this crisis we can develop a shared sense of moral purpose. ~Al Gore, on the environmental crisis and not LiLo’s problems

We’ve come a long way, Lindsay

As many of you know, I’ve been writing about Lindsay Lohan since I started this blog. It was rough year for Lindsay. (Well, almost a year.) I’ll recap:

  • After she fell a few times, she was getting a reputation for being either a klutz or a drunk. While the jury was out, she showed up in an empty parking lot in the evening, I think she was taking a smoke break, just being a regular under-aged kid, and she was caught on video doing some high kicks. It was cute. Ah, those were the days.
  • Things got ugly at Halloween when Lindsay dressed like a firefighter slut. Awful.
  • My Lindsay Lohan without panties entry was the low point in my year with her. Sure, I posted links and links and links. But, in my defense, I waited to post them. At first I thought, ok, everyone has gone without panties for a reason or two. But when she kept doing it, well, I just couldn’t keep quiet.
  • I still defended her talent. I reminisced about her remakes of my favorite Disney movies. This was before I saw Herbie the Lovebug. Whoo-wee did that stink.
  • I was as appalled as anyone when the parade of willful stupidity graced the tabloids as Lindsay, Paris, and Britney traipsed around being ignorant and showing girls everywhere that if you’re scantily dressed and openly boorish, you can be on top of the LA social scene.

Things eventually fell apart for Lindsay. She went to some AA meetings (and continued to drink). I didn’t blame her because I knew that her mother called herself the white Oprah, and that made me pity Lindsay. Then Robert Altman died and Lindsay wrote his family a sympathy note from her Blackberry. But give her a break, I said. She’s a kid. And apparently the white Oprah only ever taught her to handwrite checks.

When people started making fun of her for her poor grammar, it made her so mad she asked Al Gore to help. And this is when I stopped giving LiLo the benefit of the doubt. Yes, Lindsay and I broke up. I guess she didn’t know that Al is my politician. Moreover, he’s saving the planet and is quite busy not worrying about teen celebrity angst. We should all be so lucky.

Then things completely unraveled. LiLo had her appendix removed (mimicking my sister Sarah). She made out with Samantha Ronson in Japan. She got a DUI. She went to rehab. She left rehab. She went back in. She got out and got busted again for DUI with cocaine. She claims she was wearing someone else’s pants. Nice. Let someone else take the blame. That’s some high moral fiber. (My sister, on the other hand, recovered quite nicely while she also raised a few kids and worked her do-gooder job. So, Lindsay can’t blame the appendix removal, although I suspect she’ll eventually get around to blaming everything and everyone else but herself.)

I feel partly responsible. I know I have dark powers and can ruin the lives of complete strangers. Magical thinking explains it. I try to use my powers for good. So, I’m sorry to Lindsay. I didn’t realize until now that her trouble started in full force when she messed with Al Gore. I guess that’ll teach her. Trying to derail his mission. Some nerve. See, I’m still mad.

So, now that it’s almost over, I’m consider a new celebrity blogging project. I think it’ll go better on this next attempt. I’ve gotten a few suggestions for possible replacements:

  • Danica McKellar (Gary)
  • Jason Lee, Bono, Jason Priestly (Jenn)
  • Jeffrey Tambor (Christy)
  • Maggie Gyllenhaal (KC)
  • Greg Grunberg (Dayv)
  • Anne Hathaway, Bif Naked, Rasputina (Michael)
  • Hello Kitty (Jim)

I’m thinking maybe Tina Fey or Cate Blanchett. Blanchett and her husband are running a theater company in Sydney, which sounds like fun. Or maybe Conan O’Brien? He’s cool. I could just stick with Richard Branson and kill two blogging topics with one stone. I’m not sure. We’ll see.

I’m actually hoping someone will suggest a celebrity and the name will jump out at me and say, “I’m the one.” What will probably happen is I’ll make a hasty decision at the last moment, which is how I make all of my semi-long-term commitments.

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Snake Charmer School

“If I’m gonna be an old, lonely man, I’m gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I’ll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y’know. Crazy Snake Man. And I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. ‘Run away from Crazy Snake Man,’ they’ll shout!” ~Chandler Bing

Here’s a YouTube for you to start your week. Just remember, it’s not child abuse if the baby grows up to be a famous snake charmer. (Really though, don’t freak out too much. The snake is a pet. It’s defanged.)

We’ve got a big show for you this week, folks. I’ll be recapping the Lindsay Lohan blogging project in preparation for a new year of celebrity blogging. (I’m still taking suggestions for a new candidate.) I’ve got an entry for Julie Luongo Answers Your Writing Questions. And, as usual, art and quotes from people we don’t know. Stay tuned.

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I Stuck Out My Tongue and Said Aaaaaah

“A true friend laughs at your stories even when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your troubles even when they’re not so bad.” ~Proverb

I was making chocolate chip cookies when I was a teenager. My sister Sarah was anxiously waiting for them. The unspoken rule in our house was if I cooked, my sister had to hang out with me in the kitchen and clean up. (Oh, and she had to rave about what I made, even if it was gross.) I was her personal chef and she was my storytelling dishwasher. It was a nice arrangement. We got in valuable hang-out time. She got to eat whatever I was concocting. And I didn’t have to clean up after myself. It was perfect kitchen symbiosis.

The problem now is that, while I still like to cook, I resent the clean up, and my sister resents cooking. Oh, well. We weren’t really thinking to far ahead when we worked out the arrangement.

Back to the chocolate chip cookies. I pulled them out of the oven and was immediately transferring them to cooling racks. Sarah was at my elbow, ready to test. As I was lifting a cookie off the tray, an errant chip fell onto the stove. Well, you know where errant chips go. That’s right. In my mouth. So, I picked it up and popped it in.

Hot, hot, hot.

Yeah, I wasn’t accounting for how scorching that little chip was. It just came out of the oven, so I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ll tell you what I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t thinking it would sizzle the water on my tongue. Sizzling hot chip from the inferno on my little delicate tongue! Sizzle! In! My! Mouth! Ouch is an understatement.

I immediately tipped my head forward and let it roll out off of my burned tongue. It then, by chance, landed in a drop of water on the counter. It sizzled in the drop of water. You read that right. It continued to sizzle after burning my tongue and plummeting to the counter. My sister was convulsed with laughter. Many years later, she still laughed about this. And I understood the words of Ralph Wiggum when he said, “it tastes like burning.”

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