“Pain is such an uncomfortable feeling that even a tiny amount of it is enough to ruin every enjoyment.” ~Will Rogers
I think falling is hilarious. I even laugh when I should be humiliated. Like that time I was a sophomore in high school, wearing a sexy red dress, and I fell down the 5 or so steps at the end of the senior hall. Books flew. I went bump, bump, bump on my butt and people laughed. There’s almost nothing more embarrassing when you’re a sophomore than trying to look sexy and biffing it royally. And yet, I laughed. The memory of that fall still gives me giggles. It was classic slapstick.
Yesterday, I was out and about in the world having a grand time looking at people and books and trees and merchandise in New Hope, PA. At the end of the day, I was crossing the street, J-walking as it were, moving at a nice clip because it was about to rain, and my foot rolled off of the edge of pothole in between two cars stopped in traffic.
I crumpled to the ground.
Just folded straight down.
My left knee slammed into the pavement.
My right ankle, the one that betrayed me, felt loose inside like a bone wasn’t in the right spot.
I knew I had to get out of the road, but I wasn’t sure how I was going to do that. At that moment, I was in Christina’s World, sure I would not be able to walk … maybe not ever again. But for that moment, I was going to have to pull myself out of the road by my arms, and what a long journey it would be. Ok, I suppose it’s safe to say that I felt a little confused.
It was probably just the embarrassment of being in the road that helped me shake it off and hobble to the sidewalk. I’d never felt anything like this pain. Ouch. Embarrassment aside, all the credit for getting me out of the road goes to my friend who helped me (thanks, Michael). You’d have to get the full account from him about how that shook out because I think I was in shock. But I know for sure he asked me if I was ok and I just looked up at him helplessly. And then he asked if I could get up and I stared at him a little longer.
The people in the car behind me were probably dying laughing. One second they see me, the next, I’m gone. Man down.
I realized, as I was whining and moaning and making my pain face, I’ve never turned my ankle before. Dang that hurts. And it’s inconvenient. I know that I should keep it elevated and ice it … and I have been for 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off. I’ve been injured enough to know that if I do this, my life will be easier in the long run. But I don’t want to lie around with my foot up. And the ice is so cold, it hurts. And I’m cranky from the pain and the inconvenience. And everything takes longer than it should. And I have to ask people for help, which I truly hate. And I wanted to hike today. And I have a life that involves moving, dammit!
Good thing I can tell people about it and they’ll share their falling stories with me. That’s lightened my foul mood a little. And I have the image of my fall from the perspective of the people in the car. It must have looked pretty funny. I’m feeling giggly just thinking about it. Ah, a small consolation. But I’ll take what I can get.
julieluongo said,
May 17, 2007 at 3:47 pm
KC, I’m really sorry I’m such a slack ass, I promise I will have your report very very soon.
Sarah said,
May 17, 2007 at 4:14 pm
I remember when I HEARD a horrible fall down the backstairs at my house when I was growing up and ran to the door sure to see my poor father crumbled on the landing below, only to open the door and see Julie lying there, moaning. My mom and I were so relieved that it actually wasn’t Dad, that we shut the door.
My favorite fall was at Penn when an elegantly dressed businessman did one of those great slow motion, oh-my-god-don’t-let-me fall, almost made it falls. At one point he was backwards. At another point he was using his briefcase to support his entire body from hitting the dirt so he was almost parallel to the ground. He eventually fell, of course. I’d have helped him up but I was too weak from laughing.
This nasty little trait of finding falls hysterical runs in the family. I can tell when one of the other kids has fallen by the way my 5 year old laughs, in this explosive, from the gut kind of way.
Sissy said,
May 17, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Your fall sounded awful at first, but then the “man down” made me laugh out loud. Very funny. I’m still chuckling as a write.
I’ve broken 9 or 10 bones in my time. Those I can handle. Hurts like hell but they get set and casted and I’m off again. But a pulled muscle, or a sprain in your case, those are the WORST!
I don’t think I have any funny falling stories. I’ll ask Andy. He’s the one who remembers every minute incident that involved me looking like an idiot.
Off the topic and onto the art. OMG. Remember the unicorn print you posted a while ago? You had said that it hung in your house when you were growing up. I never commented on the subject, but I remember thinking how lucky you were to have a unicorn print in your house as a kid because all I ever remember in my house as a kid is Christina’s World. And not just on one wall in one room. My mom would move it around the house like a piece of furniture. I vividly recall standing in front of it for long periods of time staring at it, wondering who she was and how she got so far from home. It was almost as if I stood there long enough, she’d get up that hill. Then, I’d go outside to the hill behind my house and try to drag myself up the hill with just my arms. Impossible. Even as a kid.
Sissy said,
May 17, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Oh, I just remembered a good one that involves Matt Campbell. Well, acutally, his skis. I was trying them out in my mom’s family room. I had the boots in the hook thingies and was leaning into a pretend downhill slide when the hook thingies unhooked themselves. It happened so quickly that I didn’t even have the reflex of putting my hands out to catch my face first fall onto the family room floor. I imagine it was like watching a tree go timber. BAM!
Sarah said,
May 17, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Oh I love fall stories almost as much as actually seeing it! laughing!!!!
Gary said,
May 17, 2007 at 4:42 pm
HA HA! Girls are clumsy.
julieluongo said,
May 17, 2007 at 4:49 pm
See, Sarah, Saranne just said sprains are the worst. As did Jim.
I tried to get Sarah to bring me some pain pills, but she refused and told me to take ibuprophen. Dang. I take 800mg all the time for my hip. This is way worse than that.
Sarah, the Jim Beam corporation thanks you for your refusal to bring me real painkillers.
Sarah said,
May 17, 2007 at 5:08 pm
I can’t get those pills out of this house. Jimmy is strong and quick.
Jenn said,
May 17, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Advil with a tequilia chaser works.
You know who is a champion fall-er? Sabe. She falls all the time for no reason whatsoever. I’m surprised she still has kneecaps.
Gary said,
May 17, 2007 at 5:42 pm
I’d say instead of pain pills and booze, better start mainlining some calcium.
michael said,
May 17, 2007 at 8:07 pm
What’s a fallilng story?
I was trying to help you up and asked if you were ok, and you gave me the injured doe in headlights look. I helped you up and asked if you’d injured anything, and you screamed “ow! fuck!” To which I repied, “You know, you’re being very unhelpful. How am I supposed to know if you’re hurt or not if you’re only capable of spouting meanless obscenities?” At which point I plopped you down on a bench and left you there to get rained on while I went in search of the car. Serves you right.
michael said,
May 17, 2007 at 8:09 pm
What’s a meanless obscenity? Um… serves me right. Meaningless, I meant.
Gary said,
May 17, 2007 at 8:11 pm
Mike – did you do a fireman’s carry or piggyback?
julieluongo said,
May 17, 2007 at 8:19 pm
Typo. Thanks.
And did I really swear?
Gary, he didn’t carry me. He dragged me by my hair while apologizing to the people in the car. (”Sorry, my friend is drunk. Nothing to see here.”)
Sissy said,
May 17, 2007 at 9:08 pm
LOL!!!! You guys are too much! I want you to come to my house once a week and do that in person. I have things here that Julie can fall over while Michael berates her for being a clumsy drunk. And since the “F” word in my house is still “fat” my kids won’t recognize “fuck” as a curse.
lyd said,
May 17, 2007 at 10:52 pm
Hhmmmm, I seem to remember a few childhood episodes in which the Luongo girls laughed (no, stronger then that — something like pee-in-your-pants hysteria) when one of their poor cousins met an embarrassing fate. Wait a minute… not just childhood when I think of it.
BTW, I never really thought about Christina’s World that way, but it does fit into your vignette very well! (I just wanted to say vignette).
Jen said,
May 17, 2007 at 11:03 pm
My very favorite fall story of all time is still that snowy night way back when…. we were convinced we’d have a snow day the next day, and you Sarah and I built a snow-woman with huge snow boobs right in the middle of Thomas St. Then we thought better of it – or should I say that Sarah made us paranoid that it might cause a car to wreck – so we knocked it down. When lo and behold the only other person we’d see in hours came running down the street, started to run up steps to one of the houses in the next block, must have hit a patch of ice at the top, went airborne, did a complete flip and landed smack flat on his back. All three of us laughed so loud and hard that it took us a moment to realize that he had gotten up and was running AT US!! We took off, and you slid under that huge pine tree that used to be at the side of my house…. How long do you think we hid?? When we eventually figured he had given up pursuit, we giggled our way to your house for hot chocolate…. And of course the snow stopped and there was school the next day…
julieluongo said,
May 17, 2007 at 11:18 pm
Can you imagine chasing kids who were laughing at you? That’s deranged! We were smart to hide.
Oh, and Saranne, I wasn’t drunk. Michael just said that because he was so embarrassed for me. Or of me…I’m not sure which.
michael said,
May 17, 2007 at 11:24 pm
Well, I had to say something to the gawking strangers, you were an embarassment. I can’t take you anywhere. You even had the candy store guy chasing you down the block: “Pay before you eat, you drunken vixen!”
Heather said,
May 17, 2007 at 11:57 pm
“Better start mainlining some calcium.” No doubt.
Just starting falling down in advance and look down your nose – or up, as the case may be – at standing people. Start a trend. “Haven’t you heard? Asphalt surfing is NOW.”
spank said,
May 18, 2007 at 7:07 am
first falling down story.
time…6am approx 1993…I awake to hear what sounds like a dying person. and then i realize…IT IS A DYING PERSON…outside my house…and at that exact moment my mother flies out of her room screaming “your dad is having a heart attach outside”
now, i dont have time to digest the information….expecially the unlikelyhood of this being true. Also…there was an ice storm over night. No, i just go flying down the steps, whip open the front door ( no shoes mind you) and run outside. now our front walk is a square brick patio about 5 x8…then two decending stairs to a walkway. well i hit the patio and never stopped (ice) i body surfed over my dad (who was laying, moaning at the bottom of the two stairs) i kind of landed hands first over him…did a nice ice face plant….and then i thought i was dead.
i eeked my eye open to see my dad…clutching his lower back…he fell on his hinee and lay in a fetal position. i sat up, and because the ice was so rough and i fell so fast, i actually cut the palms of my hands on the ice.
i sit there bloodied up. wondering how i will drive my dad to the er with crusifix hands. and my mom stands in the doorway and informs us we are both morons, slams the door and goes back to bed. the moral of the story is if you have an ice storm and wanna defrost your car…at 6am..be carful or there will be a body pile up in your front yard.
on sissys note..i also tried many a times to drag myself up the yard like christina. till my mom saw me and beat me for my insolent behavior. said people would think i was retarded. huh huh,
Sissy said,
May 18, 2007 at 7:22 am
Spanky, I have tears streaming down my cheeks! (alergies) No, for real. That is so incredibly funny! I missed all the good stuff when I was away at college. I’m glad to know that Christina affected the both of us.
spank said,
May 18, 2007 at 7:24 am
she sure did…my boss is looming at the moment…so you will have to wait for the other falling story…involing my friends albert and jackie…and its alot like julies harrowing experience..hahahah
spank said,
May 18, 2007 at 8:35 am
Second story…funnier for me because i wasnt involved…
my friend jackie (a girl) and her buddie albert…we hanging out. Jackie said “hey albert i want mcdonalds”
now you should know that albert has some ocd issues and cannot deal with a “situation” like mcdonalds. or biker bars. anyway, so he says “well fine but im not going in”
he is driving there when jackie says “hey just go thru the drive thru” at which point albert starts sweating (this is a common occurance with him when faced with a stressful situation) and then he freaks out, in the middle of the parking lot screaming that HE WILL NOT GO THRU THE DRIVE THUR…HE CANNOT HANDLE IT.
JACKIE SAYS “FINE, ILL GO IN JUST PARK.”
and as she walks in she trips on the curb and badly sprains her ankle. down for the count she looks to albert for some assitance. he is now soaked in sweat and this is the final strw for him. he looks away and peels off…because he just cannot deal with a disabled jackie in a mcdonalds parking lot. everytime i bring up this story he calls me a fucking bitch and says “he did not leave her there” but i know he did.
spank said,
May 18, 2007 at 8:37 am
he says he came back after he towled himself off and recovered.
Matt Lesoine said,
May 18, 2007 at 10:03 am
I suppose I’ll share mine.
First one (about me): Around 1998/99 a bunch of us at Penn State were walking about to our apartment (Gateway) after a pretty vicious night of partying at the Crowbar. Anyway on the block of College Ave between where Pennsylvania Pizza was and the UniMart there is a hair salon. This hair salon had a small brick wall right next to the sidewalk, perfect for jumping up on. So of course I jumped o up on it and proceeded to continue walking down the block towards Gateway. Well the street slopes pretty good at this point and the brick wall was level, so as I’m walking along (doing a pretty good impersonation of a field sobriety test) the wall is getting higher and higher.
Needless to say once I got to the end of the wall I performed the most glorious dismount imaginable. However, I didn’t expect the sidewalk to suddenly be 4 feet below me rather than the 18 inches I remembered. Needless to say I landed on my hands and chest, and just to confirm that my friends witnessed the experience shouted out, “Did you fucking SEE that!?”
Second one (about my girlfriend): Late 2003 we made the mistake of stopping by my parents house after dinner. She and my mom shared a box of wine and then it was decided that we should go home. But on the way home my girl wanted to stop at Ned’s to try to ease the stress of spending 2 hours at my parent’s house. Two Long Island Iced Teas later we again set off for home. Well in the 3/4 of a mile between Ned’s and our house my girl got pissed off about something. Actually it was nothing, truly nothing. You know how when someone’s drunk they get all huffy or PO-ed or whatever? This was a classic example. So I pull into the driveway and open my truck door, but notice that she’s just sitting there looking pissed.
So I sigh and close my door and look at her to see what the problem is. Well a minute goes by and she opens her door and begins to get out. So I get out and go to my front fender to wait for her to walk around the front of the truck. She started walking and suddenly just disappeared. It was like she fell into a pit or something. So I step in front of my truck and she’s just laying there moaning. I got her up and inside in about a minute and by that time the worst bruise I’d ever seen had formed on her knee. Literally purplish black and looking BAD. A trip to the ER was in order, but she refused that insisting on screaming in pain all night long instead. She finally did go to the hospital 4 days later. They seemed amazed that she had been able to walk on it and demanded that she stay off of it for 2 weeks. I think she ultimately stayed off of it for maybe 2 days.
I have a third but can’t really type it right now…
spank said,
May 18, 2007 at 10:26 am
awwwwwww i wanna hear…
spank said,
May 18, 2007 at 10:44 am
well apparently only matt and I fall down or know people that fall down in hilarious ways. the rest of ya stink.
spank said,
May 18, 2007 at 10:45 am
Matt…german women are tough…like chuck norris…there was no way that knee was getting her down. lol
Matt Lesoine said,
May 18, 2007 at 10:52 am
Good example of the toughness: Her mom was in a car wreck a number of years ago. Some dumbass blew a stop and crashed into her. I believe the story is that her mom then got out of the car and pummeled the crap out of the guy. I can see her doing that…
Matt Lesoine said,
May 18, 2007 at 10:53 am
Because he had no insurance I think…
julieluongo said,
May 18, 2007 at 10:55 am
When I was in college, I was going to a frat mixer-type party. I was in a little summer dress. Very cute 90s-style floral babydoll. We decided that the chances they were going to feed us was unlikely. So, we stopped at McDonald’s. (We had a car for some reason). It had started to rain lightly and my friend looked at the umbrellas then at me and said, “you wanna just make a run for it?” Now, for normal people, this would mean “let’s forget the umbrellas.” For me, “make a run for it,” means “RACE!!” So, I took off running in my little slippy sandals and hit a slick spot. My feet flew out from under me…I remember seeing my feet above my head and my dress above my waist. I landed in a puddle on my butt. Ow. When I got up, I realized I’d scraped the top of my foot somehow. The top? I’ll never know how this happened since my feet flew out in front of me. We were all laughing, except my one friend who said, “why were you running like that?”
spank said,
May 18, 2007 at 11:00 am
julie…that is actually funnier than the first story……i love the “For me, “make a run for it,” means “RACE!!” ” part…fucking hilarious….
julieluongo said,
May 18, 2007 at 12:43 pm
It hurt less than the first story as well.
spank said,
May 18, 2007 at 12:53 pm
everything hurts less when we are younger Julie.
i have trouble getting up from the couch nowadays. my kids endless supply of energy exhausts me. plus they dont seem to mind when they get hurt. unless im looking.
Gary said,
May 18, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Don’t let Julie fool you. She’s doing research to help other klutzes.
julieluongo said,
May 18, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Dang. Did you see those stats? I don’t feel so alone anymore. Thanks, Gary.
capricorn1966 said,
May 19, 2007 at 4:44 pm
I’m sorry to hear that you hurt you foot. I have compassion for your discomfort and inconvenience. My mom broke her foot and had two pins put in it 7 weeks ago. She is miserable.
My most embarassing moment wasn’t when I fell in public, much worst, I was entering a store where the whole front was glass and it looked like the doors were opened, you guessed it, slam right into the glass. Worst part about it was I was walking pretty fast, bounced right off.
julieluongo said,
May 19, 2007 at 7:23 pm
Thanks, Cappy, that made me laugh. I’ve done that. Well, I bounced my face into a porch screen door at night. Boing! I was pretty embarrassed. But I didn’t break it like my friend did once. She crashed through a screen slider at a party. Bent the thing beyond repair.
spank said,
May 21, 2007 at 6:41 am
ohhhhhh
kc said,
May 21, 2007 at 4:59 pm
geez, jules, are you ok?
julieluongo said,
May 21, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Well, not to complain and moan about it…b/c it feels sooo much better. But I’ve been forced to take it easy, and that’s making me mental.
IdeaSmith said,
May 27, 2007 at 6:01 am
I loved the post! And wrote one of my own falling stories, inspired by yours. I hope you don’t mind.
The fall girl « The Idea-smithy said,
May 27, 2007 at 6:03 am
[...] 27th, 2007 Julie’s story made me laugh. And want to write about my falling story (ies) too. So here [...]
julieluongo said,
May 27, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Oh, I’m so glad I-S, I love falling stories (I hope you’re ok).
The Idea-smithy » Blog Archive » The fall girl said,
January 16, 2008 at 8:06 am
[...] Julie’s story made me laugh. And want to write about my falling story (ies) too. So here goes… [...]