“Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.” ~The Buddha
I have symbolic illnesses. Well, I think everybody does because I believe in the mind-body connection. What I mean is that I don’t believe exposure to germs is the sole contributing factor to illness. We’re always exposed to germs and suseptible to injury. However, we open certain channels to injury and illness based on our mental state. Well, I do.
So, I get a sore throat when I avoid saying something I want to say. I get heartburn when I’m making questionable relationship choices. (To be fair, I also get heartburn when my calorie intake exceeds my energy output, which is usually when I’m eating out a lot, which is usually when I’m dating someone new, so this one’s not perfectly symbolic.)
I had acid reflux when I dated a guy who was constantly judging me. I got blurred vision when I didn’t want to see something upsetting. I could go on and on, but you don’t need to hear about my manifestations of “pains in my butt” or things that “piss me off.” You probably get the picture. (Ouch. I know.)
I had a hip problem for 7 years. It started in grad school and ended (sort-of) when I got my first book deal. Figure that one out. If my hips facilitate movement, I suppose my hip pain could equal stilted movement. Hmmm. My body speaks in simple metaphors so I can understand it. Me dumb brain.
Make no mistake, the hip pain didn’t go away magically on its own when I got my writing career moving. I had to be proactive about finding a solution. My symbolic aches and ills aren’t strictly psychosomatic. Sometimes I can get rid of them through corrective action — like with the sore throat — I can speak my mind and feel better in an hour or two. But sometimes I need an assist from medicine or rest or physical therapy. Either way, I can always find a symbolic reason for its existence.
It took a chiropractor to show me how to fix my hip. He used trigger point therapy, which I’ll describe (simplistically) as a version of acupressure, except that acupressure is on meridian points and trigger point therapy is on sore points or knots. Basically, what I’m saying is that the hip pain I had for 7 years was fixed with some massage-like manipulation of my muscles and tendons.
My doctor stretched the tight tendons in my leg and pressed on, and released, knots deep in my hip that I didn’t even know I had. It was one of the single most embarrassing moments of my life to find out that the pain I was living with — pain that had radiated to my foot and knee — was caused by knots in my muscles that were easily melted away by some steady pressure. Another embarrassing moment was when I burst into tears on the table while he was working on me. Oh, those were dark days for this brave heroine.
As fate would have it, at the same time I’d started trigger point therapy with the chiropractor, I was introduced to The Pressure Positive Co. by my friend Costello who didn’t have any knowledge of my hip-pain struggle. (He’s over there on my Cool Friends list at The Winning Attitude and One Kind Act.) I did some research, interviewed the founder, and wrote a little story, which they posted on their site. I also got myself that gizmo above — The Backnobber II. (Thanks, Renee!)
I know, I sound like I’m writing ad copy here. But, it’s for the greater good because here’s the thing about muscle pain …. it’ll kill you. Take my case for instance:
I’m a healthy, somewhat fit person who exercises regularly and eats moderately well. In the course of my regular activity, I tweak my hip. I baby it and develop knots in my muscles as a natural reaction to protecting my sore hip. The knots then become the source of pain and I, in turn, baby them. My tendons accommodate for my new gait and shrink on one side and elongate on the other.
Now, I’m all lopsided and I get some shoulder pain on the opposite side. I feel less inclined to exercise because I’m in pain. But I persist, further exacerbating the problems. Eventually, the dysfunction in my hip radiates to my foot.
I now have planter fasciitis and am nearly crippled by the searing pain that is this evil ailment. The treatment is to stay off of my foot. No, I don’t get a wheelchair. I hobble around and completely stop exercising.
I eventually buy expensive inserts for my shoes, which I can’t afford but borrow money becasue I’m in so much pain I don’t care how much they cost if they’ll help even a little. They do help, and I start exercising again. But I’ve gained some weight and the hip pain is still there making exercise even more unpleasant than I usually find it.
Since the pain was forced out of my foot, the dysfunction moves and eventually settles in my knee. I stop exercising again after falling straight to the ground when my knee gives out while just casually walking my dog around the block. What a fun new surprise!
Since I’m only a moderately healthy eater, the cookies and beer and bacon add pounds quickly. I get lazier and fatter and eventually I die of heart disease or complications from adult onset diabetes or any variety of problems that beset the sedentary. Everyone thinks they know what I died from, but really, I died from knots in my hip that I never fixed.
Ok, I didn’t really die. I shouldn’t have given away the ending at the beginning by telling you I went to the chiropractor. Oh, and I didn’t even go there for very long once I found out what I was dealing with and serendipitously also discovered that there were self-care tools that would allow me to fix it myself.
Now, when the aches flair up, which they do because I let the dysfunction go for so long (curses!), I just take my Backnobber and lever it into my sore muscle knots and hold it there with steady pressure until they release. And I eat bacon and drink beer and sometimes I go for days without eating a salad or moving from my desk. But I’m not in pain. So, if I die from the cholesterol blocking my arteries, I only have my inertia to blame.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 12:54 am
Bacon and beer is a king’s menu! Or, rather The King’s. My body is the same way; I’ve gotten pretty good at adjusting an impending illness with a little mental scoonch to or fro. Except about once a winter I give in to a big old sick to get the rest I generally skimp on. (And sympathy. Cough cough!) Plus, I get to load up on DayQuil and Tylenol PM and it’s like I have a reason! And then? I kill a grizzly with my bare hands.
Costello said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:37 am
Hey Jules,
That’s a great post about the Pressure Positive Company! Wasn’t that a cool project to work on? I used my backnobber earlier, no kidding… This ergonomic computer chair is more like sitting on a rock and having to turn all the way around to see your computer… So, The Backnobber comes to the rescue…
I hope you are feeling better…
Matthew
Costello said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:39 am
Hey what happened to my comment?
julieluongo said,
April 16, 2007 at 3:06 am
There it is, Spammy.
Costello said,
April 16, 2007 at 4:38 am
That was pretty funny, Sneezy.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 6:25 am
I feel as though you just wrote about me. my limp, my foot pain my inserts and me getting fat. it is a vicious cycle and im glad you found a solution to it. I havent yet. I feel like an 80 year old woman physically. I am convinced that if i quit my job and gambled my pensions and 401k that id get lucky and win big and thus feel tons better.
actually even if i didnt win big id still feel better than i do now, sitting in this god awful place with all the ritas in the world swarming around me making my foot, calf, back, neck and sinuses feel worse.
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 7:05 am
Applause! Julie, I’ve been believing in the mind/body thing for decades. Have I done anything about? Nah. My doc is holistic. I switched to her a couple of years ago after seeing my regular doctor for a chronic and sometimes debilitated cough. He sent me home with three varying inhalers, an antibiotic, a prescription cold pill, a prescription cough syrup and a steriod. Regardless of my eagerness to take pills at the advice of a physician, I was not happy. I went to the holistic chick.
“Do you smoke?” she asked before I could finish my detailed description of the cough.
“Um. Yes,” I confessed.
“Oh yeah?” she said, scribbling something in my chart. “Then quit.”
“Can you prescribe something to help me out?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “Give it shot on your own.”
Needless to say, I did quit, then started up again, then stopped, then started, and so on.
My illnesses/injuries are a clear sign to me that I need to stop. I live life at about 260 MPH. Last year I broke my foot. I told God he couldn’t stop me with a silly broken foot. He didn’t. A few months later, my gall bladder filled up like an vaccum cleaner bag that hadn’t been emptied in a decade. Silly body. That was an in and out in one day operation. I was up and around the following day (no percoset, though – blasphemy!). Two weeks ago I broke a rib but flipped around my old gym on Saturday.
I acknowledge these items as whispers to slow down. And then take on the challenge of pushing my way through them.
Do I get the longest comment award, yet? I’ve been working toward that lately?
Thanks for the good thinking material, Jules.
Oh, BTW, I’m still having technical difficulty. Sissy is not active yet. Please continue to use Whoozsha.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 7:28 am
when i think about my life…i often suspect that ill be the old lady sitting on her front porch in lycra with an over sized t shirt, eating peached out of a can and drinking all lady like out of a 2 liter of pepsi.
im going to the gym tonight.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 9:33 am
I’ll hang out on your porch. We’ll be like Jay and Silent Bob. Drinking Pepsi.
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 9:42 am
Spankster– I refuse to let you morph into the stretch pant, looney tunes tshirt wearing nutcases that we are surrounded by every day. You will not end up that way. No way, no how.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 9:48 am
I forgot to include that my tummy would easily lap on tot he bottom step of the porch i was sitting on. and also, i have a cane. to shake at the kids when they ride their bikes by my shanty and egg me, all the while yelling FATSO STINKO BIANCHI.
yeah its pretty much settled. heather id like you to remain my skinny side kick with greasy stringy hair.
and you will always be wearing slippers. with your mrs roper moomoo dress.
im sorry KOo Koo, it seems things cannot be changed now.
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 9:50 am
Oh, I beleive they can. Besides, you have all of your teeth.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 9:54 am
I have been waiting to yell at kids from my porch for most of my life. I can’t wait. It’s going to go like this: “Get off my lawn, rat bastard kids! Go smoke your dope somewhere else.” Like Mrs. Delvecchio that Cheri Oteri used to play on SNL: “See this? I’m keeping it. It’s mine now.”
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 9:54 am
“See this bong? It’s mine now.”
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:11 am
LOl!!!! actually i am missing soem back teeth…so im right on track.
and yes…you are sooo cheri oteri…i can see it. ill be the lady next door that strongly resembles “divine” as in pink flamingo. or hairspray.
Matt Lesoine said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:11 am
That was me when I lived in Allentown. I finally went apeshit on a couple of kids and it was truly a magnificent spectacle. I even made one of them cry. The next day there was an unretrieved football on my porch. It’s like they knew better than to try and get it. At least that’s what I tell myself…
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:27 am
more deep thoughts
If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:27 am
apeshit. matt. looking like divine. wow. that IS impressive
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:28 am
here is another good one
I think it’s high time we started questioning the old cliches like “Grunt big for Daddy.”
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:29 am
I actually have freaked out on kids as well, now that I think about it. Few years ago, they were hiding behind my garage before they caught the bus to smoke. Then they decided to throw rocks at my dogs. I recall sounding just like an old woman, telling them I was going to call the cops and their parents. They came back few weeks later but took off when they saw me come out my back door. My boyfriend at the time stopped at their bus stop and threatened them with a number of nasty things. We never saw them again. God, I feel really old now.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:34 am
he he. this doe not happen at my house. but sometimes the cows act up.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:36 am
Imagine if no one ever yelled at kids while they practiced all their delinquency. It’s your job to set society’s boundaries for them, ie: “Don’t trespass on private property to smoke; go smoke in your school bathroom like I did.” And when my kid sneaks behind someone’s garage, I fully expect the garage-owner to give him grief. Most of my days are spent explaining the concept of “not your stuff; touching will lead to lawsuits”. Right now, it mostly applies to the girls in his pre-school, but still.
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:43 am
Kinda like the Sexual Harrasment Panda — I think that would be a fun job. Something seriously smells like a barnyard over here…..ugh
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:44 am
Sexual Harassment Panda Lyrics
Artist(Band):South Park Review The Song (0)
Print the Lyrics
Send South Park polyphonic ringtone to your cell phone
Who lives in the east ‘neath the willow tree
Sexual Harassment Panda!
Who explains sexual harassment to you and me
Sexual Harassment Panda!
Don’t say that don’t touch there
Don’t be nasty says the silly bear
He’s come to tell you what’s right and wrong
Sexual Harassment Panda!
Renee Gladieux said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:46 am
Oh, Julie! Thank you for your glowing testimonial. My metaphor for muscle pain and just about every other challenge in life is that of a garden. It takes constant tending to keep it in order. I’m gonna go stretch now…:) Peace out, sister.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:52 am
sexual harrassment panda hhahahahahahaah
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:57 am
You know, I feel like sexually harrassing someone right now. Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll see what I can drum up and report back.
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:58 am
Keep us updated. I need all the entertainment I can get.
Bun said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:01 am
Hi, Julie. Inexplicably I had never visited your place before today. What a treasure trove! May you continue to bring light into the gloom.
Be well.
Bun
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:02 am
just whine when people walk by your desk. or growl
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:05 am
bun. good name. solid. my new name shall be tit from this point forward.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:17 am
My son definitely needs a visit from the Panda. He whistled at me this morning after I’d put make-up on. You know, the “hubba hubba” whistle? Except he can’t whistle, so he just sang, “Roo ROOOOOOOOO!” Like a whistle would sound if you said it. Or Scooby Doo. He learned harrassment from his dad. I couldn’t be prouder. I keep telling him, “If you do this when you grow up, the girls will put you in jail.” He’ll kiss them up their arms like Pepe LePew. “Mwah mwah mwah mwah.” It’s a problem.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:19 am
He loves girls inordinately. Like he never heard of cooties.
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:20 am
Sounds like a problem. I think you could defintely benefit from a visit with the Panda.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:23 am
or maybe he can just have a visit with my son max, who would rather eat fresh poo than associate with a girl. especially his sister.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:33 am
Yeah. His problem is he doesn’t have enough guy-boys to be weird about girls with. He thinks girls are the bee’s knees. The first step in my long-term strategy was to explain that it’d be a good idea to confine his kisses to a hand or cheek. So he got that down. Then later, I added that if he’s not at home, he should ask someone if they want a hug or kiss instead of just planting one on them. Now I’m finally at, “School is for learning; no kissing at school.” It’s not a meat market, son!
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:38 am
“Work is where you harrass people. Come on!”
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:50 am
I wish I worked somewhere where it would be fun to harrass people. There isn’t one of these morons worth my time to harrass. I could sue most of them for harrassing me just by being retarded.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:50 am
hahhaahah meanwhile I have to tell max every single day to not pummel the girls. yes i know they are annoying and they love your stunning good looks and bad boy image but is just no reason to beat on them.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:52 am
Well, you named him “Max”. He’s just doing his wild thing.
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:58 am
I dunno — I think Max is cursed for life– all girls like the good looking bad boys. Wait, maybe thats just me….
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 12:09 pm
Yeah. Maybe Ethan should get the girls while he still can. He has an allergy now. I hope he’s not going to be the kid with an allergy that gets beaten up a lot. I should have named him “Chuck Norris”. Of course, his allergy is skin-writing, so the chicks will probably dig it. “Write my name on your arm! OMG!”
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 12:12 pm
Where are Gary, KC and Jenn? Did people get lives or what? That’s not right.
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 12:25 pm
I don’t think KC likes Spanky. I don’t like Gary. And, Jenn? Yeah…I don’t know what’s up with that. Where in the hell is Jenn? Or Jen for that matter?
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 12:36 pm
I get the Jen’s confused. Dont be hating on KC hating on me. You dont not like gary…your just mad he knows more factioids than you.
as for max….well he is one of the wild things indeed.
i like that ethan could be “the kid with an allergy that gets beaten up a lot” makes me wonder if my parents somehow knew that sara would get arrested alot,
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 12:42 pm
thems is fightin words…………………
Gary said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:14 pm
I don’t like any of you. Well Julie is alright but the rest of you – geez!
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:15 pm
Whatever–you dont know me Gary–who are you to judge?? Spank was right about you.
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:24 pm
(I knew that would bring him out of his hole.)
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Trust me KooKoo. Gary doesn’t like you.
Gary said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Whateva! I’ll judge who I want! PooPooJenniKook! Spank be talkin shit bout me! Dang! She wants to have like 10,000 of my babies!
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:26 pm
I believe you. Actually, I dont care. I dont like him either. I will add him to my list of top 200 Most Hated…
Gary said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Hey leave my hole alone Sissy!
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Color Commentary: “And Gary brings the name-changing, an under-used tactic. Let’s see what our rookie, KooKoo, is working with…”
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Crowd: “KooKoo, KooKoo, KooKoo…”
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Thank you. I appreciate the support of the crowd……
Gary said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:32 pm
I’m definitely out numbered and oh my god SOOOOO out clever-ed. Let’s just say all of you kookoo’s win. I just wish one of you would have said I was obnoxious and immature so I could REALLY feel like I was in junior high again. I’m going back to my hole.
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Where you belong, bad boy.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:37 pm
I just want to note that
a) i did not start this ruckus
B) i have mended fences with gary by agressing to star in his home porn video featuring my peach eating
C) THIS IS ALL SISSYS FAULT.
and say what you will gary, making fun of kookoo just isnt fair. she is kookoo for coco puffs. let her be.
dont fuck with peaches.
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:37 pm
And I’ll mess with your hole if I want to mess with your hole, Ho!
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:37 pm
“Nobody puts Peaches in the corner!”
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:38 pm
But I put my bitches there. And in holes.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Id have to say things have escalated quickly in here….
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Oh, crap. We’ve turned into a girl-gang. I need my colors, colors…
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:39 pm
why is sissy on a high horsie for no good reason??/
julieluongo said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Settle down. I need Gary.
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:40 pm
I always wanted to be in a girl-gang. I will wear one pant leg rolled up the rest of the day………
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:41 pm
I can hear background music. Is there a soundtrack in here? Dum…da-dum…da-dum,dum….dum….da-dum….da-dum,dum….Oh, wait. It that “dum?” Must be Gary’s theme. Sorry ladies. Let me get my doo-rag. What color are we going with today, Heather?
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:41 pm
oh god julie im glad yer here…i was getting nervous. sissy is on a high horsie and im out of peaches and i think heather is hiding.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Ok all is ok. you know after my psycho outbursts friday and all the fights i have foolishly picked…i have to say…this one came outta no where…like ya begged gary to come out to play and you sucker punched him…low blow i tell ya…
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Gary knows I love him….in a special way….what would I do without him? Who would correct my Princisms?
Gair? You can come back out now. Hurry. Julie’s getting upset and I can’t have that kind of weight on my shoulders.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:47 pm
my nerves are bad now. he taint coming back. nooooo wayyyy
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Sissy might be on a high bull because Mike told her she was Yoda. So blame Mike; when in doubt, just always blame Mike. And Sissy? You can’t go around abusing the force. Think of the clowns!
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:48 pm
No! NO! There was no sucker punch. I don’t hit. No hitting! I was all up in my own grill about having bitches over at Whoozsha and one thing led to another. You guys got me all pumped up. It’s all a misunderstanding, really. I’m not that kind of person. I am a kitten. Prrrrrr. Meow. Fuzzy, fuzzy.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:49 pm
I still think we could wear colors, though. I say, “Tender Mauve”.
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Yes! Yes! Blame Mike! I like that. HE’S the one who started it! Gary, I would never talk to him again. As long you live. I’m sorry for him. Is there anything I can do for you? A cup of coffee? A warm blanket? A pillow. You need a pillow, don’t you?
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:51 pm
No chartruse? It’s a good color on Spank.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:52 pm
“Tender Mauve”.
again, much snorting on my part. can we wear fashion scarves around our wrists and neck too?
way to throw mike under th bus ladies. gary will never fall for this…and now Hoolie will beat you both with vaginal turkey examiner that is featured in this blog pic.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:54 pm
I’ll see if there’s a song for Gary lying around my head… But he’s a tough nut. Tougher than Mr. P. And that’s pretty nut-fucking tough.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:56 pm
nut fucker is he?
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Clams, we should be ashamed of ourselves. Repent! In sackcloth!
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:58 pm
This clam-on-sack violence must cease. It’s affecting our children and our children’s children. A pox on both your houses!
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Can it be a Tender Mauve sack cloth?
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Word.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:00 pm
sack cloth….only if i can wear it across my face after it has seen many many sacs…only then can i repent all my sac-ly sins after smelling ball sac all day
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Mike. Gary. I don’t have the time right now to be iambic, however, please know how incredibly sorry I am for the both of you. Let’s forgive and forget. And for god’s sake, Gary, please let yourself be seen before Julie yells at me!
Hey, where is Mike? He’d better come back too. I’ll be blamed for that.
I’m going to fade into the woodwork now with the cockroaches and mice.
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Cello?
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:07 pm
im here. nervously burping and biting my nails over this ruckus.
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:08 pm
(ssssss-terrrrrrrrrr-esssssssssssssssssss)
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:11 pm
DARLING GARY
I knew a guy named Gary, I guess U could say he was a blog fiend
I met him in an English class, doodling on a magazine
He said, “How’d U like 2 chat wif me?”
And I could not resist when I saw little Gary’s PC.
He took me 2 his blog and I just couldn’t believe my eyes
He had so many albums, everything that money could buy
He said, “Sign your name on the dotted line”
The lights went out and Gary started to fight.
Ow, Gary!
The computer started spinning or maybe it was the snow
I can’t tell U what he did because I was too busy harrassing people to know
His commentin’ will kick your behind, oh, he’ll show U no mercy
But he’ll sho’nuff, sho’nuff show U how 2 fight.
Darlin’ Gary, oh!
I logged on the next morning, Gary wasn’t there
I looked all over, all I found was a comment on the stairs
It said, “Thank U 4 a funky night,
Call me up whenever U wanna fight.”
Yeah, Gary, oh!
Oh, come back Gary, come back!
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:12 pm
tolda..im here..even went to ask mikey to come…but you wounded gary badly. doubt he’ll return….5 bucks says he will be back by 2.45….atleast i can make a couple bucks off this debacle
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Yeah! Wagers! Good thinking.
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:15 pm
(I’m secretly having a comment race with MO. Shhhh. When I win, Whoozsha will be no more.)
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:17 pm
who is MO? oh mike…why? i dont get it.. is this some kinda wierd internet nascar pyrimid scheme?? DONT INVOLVE ME IN YOUR TOM FOOLERY
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:17 pm
It’s AMWAY.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:19 pm
and SHACKLEE
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:19 pm
i dont want any vitamins nooooooooooooooooooooo
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Maybe our Dodgeball team can be called “Sissy’s Bitches”. Or “The Bitchin’ Sissies”.
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:24 pm
the bitchin sissies….supe laugh out loud/
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:25 pm
I’m still stuck on Shacklee–thats right up there with Rainbow vacuums.
Renee Gladieux said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Julie,
One good turn deserves another… http://pressurepositive.com/links/#internet
Renee
spankerific said,
April 16, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Ohhh i forgot about rainbow vaccums…what happened to them??/they were all the hot tooy a few years ago
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 3:09 pm
“In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been times like these.” -Paul Harvey
julieluongo said,
April 16, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Oh, Renee, I’m not sure you want to turn your customers this way.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Spanks, by “vaginal turkey examiner”, did you mean one can examine turkey vaginas with it, or that one could somehow vaginally examine turkeys? Either one is fantastic, of course, but I want to make sure I’ve got a clear mental image. Of fowl clam.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Oh, yeah. Maybe, Julie, delete that last comment there. It doesn’t really shout “product placement”.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 3:41 pm
It shouts something, but “buy this product for its intended purpose” probably isn’t it.
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Oh my. goodness.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 3:59 pm
I was going to say something about “Backgobbler”. Man, I’m glad I didn’t.
mmc said,
April 16, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Hey Jules,
We are getting Bun into Blogging now..
(http://bungladieux.wordpress.com) is the future site..
You’ve created yet another monster, miss I don’t know what a blog is…
P.S. Thanks for the email, you rock…
mmc
Anonymous said,
April 16, 2007 at 4:54 pm
ladies ladies ladies…
I am here.
I dont hate the Spanks… who could everhate the spankster?!
Jules, you need insurance. It seems we might ACTUALLY have to have that domestic partnership after all.
kc said,
April 16, 2007 at 4:55 pm
IM ANONYMOUS AGAIN!!!
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Looks like Julie has invited some unexpected dinner guests. Heather set a couple extra plates. Spanky, put on a bra. I’ll shower and pick up the backgobblers.
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 4:57 pm
KC, can you run the vaccum and wipe down the bathroom? I have conditioner in my hair.
kc said,
April 16, 2007 at 5:51 pm
yeah, i’ll get right on that.
i mean, theres head in it for me, right?
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 6:02 pm
Are you speaking of a vaccum cleaner attachment? I guess you can have the brush head, if you want.
michael said,
April 16, 2007 at 7:39 pm
Um, don’t take this wrong way ladies, but I’m afraid that you’ve allowed Heather to turn you all into a nonsensical blog sniping fly gurl commenting posse. Yes, posse. With an ‘O’. Saranne, you may have Yoda-like qualities, but not on this page, that’s for sure… If you want Gary to come back, you should probably all take a valium and stop trying to be so insufferably witty all the time. Chill. Be yourselves. Try saying smart things as well as cleverly witty things. Not everything has to be about girl power; don’t let her drag you down like that. We’re all intelligent people here, let’s try not to reduce poor Julie’s blog to a series of obnoxious in-jokes or sexual organ euphemisms. And they say that the boys locker room is rambunctious. Yikes.
You guys won’t take that personally, will you?
Gary said,
April 16, 2007 at 8:12 pm
hahahaha dude you’re about to have your nuts handed to you in mangled condition – I think… hehehehe
Don’t worry about me coming back. I never left. It was just more fun to not reply to anything for a while.
Mike if you want anyone to like you you should probably not admit publicly that you know me
Sissy said,
April 16, 2007 at 10:33 pm
No, no, Michael you’ve got me all wrong. I went to Gary’s place and was, well, me – nastalgia and all.
Oh for the shame! Then, yes, I did, I admit, say something about clams. I’m sorry. I like to laugh. And I’m not funny so, yes, I am affected by other people’s things that I find funny.
I feel like I’m at a twelve step meeting. I think Michael just twelve-stepped me. Intervention at its finest.
So, for the record, I did not call Gary a Ho because I think he is a ho. It just sounded good with hole. Eh? And the hole? I guess I could have used cavity, void, pore, opening, abyss, chasm, gulf, aperture, tear, pit burrow, lair, den or gap. Sorry. Poor choice in words?
Gary, are you going to let me back in? Either way is cool because I play the outcast well. Hold on, let me get my black nail polish and liquid eye liner. There we go. Rebel.
Oh, and for the other record at hand, there’s no chick power here. I’m a freakin’ tomboy. I don’t even know what chick power is. I just think it’s funny to talk clam since boys get to talk beef.
That’s all the sorry I have left. That’s all the defense I have. Carry on.
Heather said,
April 16, 2007 at 11:58 pm
Wow, Mike. I didn’t realize Julie couldn’t speak for herself. Is she aware of this? Julie, if you feel that anyone here is doing irreparable harm to your blog, all you have to do is tell us to quit. But Mike has his own blog on which to tell people what to say and how to behave. So if Mike is speaking for you, and I’m guessing he’s not what with your recovered sore throat and all, please let us know. Really.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 12:02 am
Also, I had nothing to do with this shit today. But thanks.
Jim said,
April 17, 2007 at 12:08 am
I can’t even read 95% of these comments, so acute are my skills to tune out “chick-chatter”.
All static pops and crackles.
Jim said,
April 17, 2007 at 12:13 am
God, I love hurt feelings.
I wish that they could bottle it, I’d drink it at the cemetery to start my day.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 12:21 am
Nice. “Waiter, more hurt feelings in my gin, please.” Olives are for losers.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 12:25 am
I’m sorry. Was that witty or just insufferable? Someone’s going to have to help me. It’s hard being a girl with all the needing to be told all the time.
michael said,
April 17, 2007 at 12:55 am
Wow, for a real shit talker, you really take stuff hard. I was only defending my honor for being blamed for giving Saranne a big Yoda-head and subsequently causing Gary to go AWOL (quite understandably though, actually)… And for being called Sissy’s Bitch, and a naughty German school-girl riding a mechanical bull… and anyway, nobody puts Heather in the corner, so, what are you worried about? Heather you’re a riot, really. Anger leads to the Dark Side, young Paduan.
Saranne, you in fact do make very Yodaesque points. Saranne you rule. I really appreciate your insights. I would never presume to 12 step your wise ass.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 1:06 am
All I did today was stick up for Gary. His blog’s not all covered in groupies like yours is. At least, it looked like groupies from afar. Could have been cheese-drip. I don’t know. I’d get that checked.
BRING IT, BYATCH! No peace! No nicey nicey for you!
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 1:18 am
If anything I said today hurt your feelings, I apologize. Of course, if you weren’t such a lil bitch, it wouldn’t be an issue… What? That IS an apology! No? Fine!
I’m sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Or, as they say in Canada, you know, SOORY.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 1:21 am
Buncha girls.
spankerific said,
April 17, 2007 at 6:19 am
I am banning myself from this place. bad energy in here. all the boys pee pee’s have shrunk up inside them and they are full of wrath. im out.
Gary said,
April 17, 2007 at 8:54 am
You guys are all too funny.
Seriously too funny. Like I mean dial down the funny ok?
I was never mad at anyone. Well except Heather, but that’s a given.
michael said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:11 am
Yeah, me neither…
michael said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:22 am
Who’s full of wrath, exactly?
julieluongo said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:29 am
I am. I thought we were going to talk about me? Come on now. My hip? My acid reflux? My pain in the butt? What happend to the focus? For real, is anyone feeling ill? Maybe it’s from getting chided at in a blog comment. Tell me. I’ll diagnose.
michael said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:35 am
Jim is wicked funny, by the way.
secret sneaker said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:37 am
i throw up everytime i brush my teeth. what can this mean?
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:52 am
You fool no one, Spanks.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:53 am
Spanky, you are just an innocent bystander who caught got in the crossfire of a family feud. Hoolie’s blog isn’t big enough for all these big-headed clams and sacks, so I should be the one banning MY self. A pox on all of our houses!
Anyway, I’ve decided to pretend everyone on these blogs are strangers, so I can behave as civilly toward them as I do to my mailman. Because we only hurt the ones we love. You know. Otherwise they’ll think we’re bitter, dwelling sissies. Plus, guns are making me sad right now. I’m a sad, sensitive beaver, and from now on, I stick up for no one. Except Spanky.
Gary said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:54 am
strong gag-reflex. practice makes perfect though.
I just want to say that everything that happened was all KooKooJeniPoo’s fault.
Gary said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:57 am
Oh there are no innocent by-standers. You’re all guilty. Guilty I say!!
secret sneaker said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:57 am
lets not start…instead allow me to show you the police reprt for ritsa kids busdriver…
secret sneaker said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:57 am
32-year-old Tony Campbell of Millerstown was a bus driver for Susquenita School District. State Police say he had sexual conversations with two 14-year-old girls and called one of them a crude name.
According to investigators, at one point, Campbell showed the victims a cartoon video clip of characters engaged in oral sex. All of the incidents happened as the girls were either getting on or off the bus.
Campbell now faces several charges, including corruption of minors and harassment.
Copyright 2007 CLEAR CHANNEL COMMUNICATIONS
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:57 am
I am Julie’s butt pain! But she’s too nice to say so, which is unfortunate.
secret sneaker said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:58 am
it does not mention anything about her teeth which is disappointing.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:58 am
I’m sorry: does that say Rita lives in Susquenita? Because I’m pretty sure that it does.
secret sneaker said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:59 am
gary…i am just now all calmed down from yesterday…why must you still the beaver?? WHY?? WHY???
secret sneaker said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:59 am
gary…i am just now all calmed down from yesterday…why must you stir the beaver?? WHY?? WHY???
secret sneaker said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:01 am
YOU gare ARE A INstiGATER of the worst kind. huckpetew
secret sneaker said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:01 am
the “hucjpetew” was me spitting on the carpet here at work for affect..
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:02 am
No peace this day. Fighting many moons.
Spanky, find your happy place. See the can of peaches. Feel the can in your hand.
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:04 am
ok…im there…ican see the high fructose syrup in my mind…..mmmmmno need for a fork…eat right…out…of…can…mmmmmm
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:05 am
susqunita indeed…known by me as “suck my weenah”
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:05 am
Yeah. I dont like being blamed for hostility that was already here. Actually, go ahead and blame me. I dont really care and it could be fun.
Gary said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:06 am
I love that everything Spanky says is a sexual innuendo.
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:09 am
I resent that you used the words “love” and spanky in the same statement. another hockpetew for you
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:11 am
Spanky holds extreme sexual powers that a mere mortal, such as you Gary, could never understand
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:13 am
i know right??
hahahahahahhahahahhahahah i did however way back when want julie to diagnose my toothbrushing gagging problem. it is a new thing and i am truely upset by it
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:18 am
My girlfriend used to always puke/gag brushing her teeth when she was pregnant
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:20 am
that isnt a nice thing to say. at.all. you will pay for that. i will sick gary on you…
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:21 am
i am def not preggers. it just seems my toothpaste makes too much lather and then all the sudden im gagging…it is kind of comical to watch…because ive seen my gagging face in the bathroom mirror and it is full hilarity
Jen said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:22 am
Hey Spanky I puke, or nearly puke, every time I brush my teeth – when I am pregnant.
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:25 am
See…
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:31 am
this is not good. hey…maybe im not fat after all….just pregnant hahahaahahahahah………no no no impossible ladies. come up with another reason.
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:34 am
just switch toothpaste
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:34 am
Oooh, I know! Toothbrush poisoning.
Jen said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:37 am
ok, so in the vein of Julie’s original thinking, obviously your mouth is rebelling over being cleansed…. we all know you have a potty moputh – but just exactly WHY does your mouth want to stay that way?????? Unless this is mind over mouth, and your mouth really would like to be cleaned, but your psyche just wants to stay dirty so it is telling your gag reflex to handle that……
I think I WAS going somewhere when I started typing this……..
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:40 am
maybe i could gargle with vodka instead of brushing. or just floss only.
i am a potty mouth. i did switch brands and to no avail.
although i do need to let you know NOT TO GET ARM AND HAMMER EXTREME clean toothpaste…my teeth were shiny bright but i woke up after a couple days of using it with gigantic lips…whatever is “extreme” in that stuff creates angry puffo lips. not cute and kinda hurtie.
back to my mouth. dunno…ill try the vodka tonight
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:42 am
i think you were going somewhere too….
can i just tell you for anyone who has seen those commercials for “depression hurts” in that it is a a physical/ and mental problem…anyway…after watching them…I FIND I AM FEELING SLIGHTLY DEPRESSED… a little paranoid that i am that lady who isnt petting her dog because she is too busy sitting on her steps eating peaches…omg whaaa??
kc said,
April 17, 2007 at 10:53 am
my buddy pete has acid reflux. he cant eat onions, chocolate, MINT, a lot of caffeine, or a lot of tomatos.
Sux for him because i eat the SHIT out of all of those things.
He takes flux meds before partying, which seems to help him a great deal… maybe you could try that?…
Michael, are you any less grump today? Not that I didnt agree with your rant, because i did, it just sounded as though maybe someone needed a nap.
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:06 am
prolly it is reflux…just seems odd that it strikes while i brush teeth
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:10 am
Quit sticking the toothbrush down your throat
julieluongo said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:16 am
Let’s suss this gag reflex out using the symbolic method (which is different from symbolic logic). First, when did the gagging start? That might help.
So, the mouth and throat are about speaking. And to gag is to stifle. So, you’re stifling yourself. Possibly it’s about an idea you refuse to accept or maybe it’s something you want to say (or do) that you’re choking back everyday.
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:21 am
um, about a week ago it started.
im probaly gagging back the words “i am quitting my job today”
i know i need to say them…i just cant…its like being stuck in the car when you gotta barf…you either hold it in or puke on yourself.
i guess im having trouble holding in my inner vomit. Dr julie, i am glad we had this talk…i am calling the HR hotline right now to find out how much my 401k is worth along with my pension so maybe i can quit and leisurely take the summer off to find a job i like…
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:21 am
now….I wonder why my foot keeps hurting me.
julieluongo said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:37 am
Your foot…which one? Feet facilitate movement. So, you’re hindering your movement. It might be the same problem. You want to quit your job and move on.
See, it’s easy! Bring me your pain. I can diagnose it with simplistic symbolism!
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:41 am
I have a pain. It’s in my clam.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:42 am
Whoops. My bad. I was supposed to call it something “smarter”. Hmm…
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:43 am
my right heel hurts…it is that plantar thing you have..
as for clam pain…id check to see if anything is rammed up in there that maybe you forgot about…like a curling iron, tool box…hot rollers…who knows….i found a six pack in mine once…pain went right away as soon as i got that puppy out
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:43 am
Oooh, I know! “Mollusk.”
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:43 am
oooo– clam pain–never a good thing….
julieluongo said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:44 am
Well, your clam is for sex. Sex is for pleasure, intimacy, procreation. You might be fearful of any one of these things. When did this clam pain start?
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:44 am
Spanks, how do you do that from so far away? I completely forgot the tool box.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:45 am
The pain started when I came to this blog. And everyone said I was bringing them down.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:46 am
I’ve tried Clamisil.
julieluongo said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:49 am
Heel pain is different from what I had. Mine was in the arch (or the fascia, which is connective tissue or some such thing).
Anyway, the heel is the first foot part that hits the ground. So, you might be blocking taking the first step. Also, the right side is your creative side and also associated with the feminine and intuition, so maybe you’re not listening to your inner wisdom.
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:50 am
well, not to be to informative…but i have read about real life clam pain in cosmo…some sort of clam disorder…causes extreme knife-like clam pain. never had it myself…but it does not sound good. they did not mention a cure either.
since we dont have a solution our only recourse is to blame mike and gary. the look like clam bashers if you ask me
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:51 am
dont let them bring you or your clam down. just get an ice pack for the clam, go home and watch the geniuses on hgtv reuphoster a couch in washcloths
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:53 am
I really don’t have pain in my mollusk, though I’ve heard of what you’re talking about. I do have pain in my neck and in my wrists, which I’m pretty sure I can self-diagnose. I am definitely lighting out from this blog. Just as soon as I figure out something else to do.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:53 am
Um.
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:54 am
HMmm well…i will try to listen harder. i am sure that all of my ailments will come back to this job i continue to associate myself with….yeah it is deff heel pain…like getting shot in the foot..but not all the time so there is always that element of suprise when i am walking thru the grocery store and hit the ground screaming.
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:54 am
lighting out?
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:56 am
What? Is that too Mark Twain?
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:57 am
Julie, we’re heeled! Praise blog!
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 11:57 am
i should be more creative. i tried painting (using sophies art easel) and i liked it…found happiness in it…but then decided i was not good enough. i cant draw faces. very sad about that.
never tried writing. im much better at talking. i think i need my own talk show…or maybe gary had something…i need a sex talk show…
all in all, i feel like i need…well.. like a re-do…yes i want a re-do on the last 10 years. can you arrange that julie?
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 12:19 pm
Don’t decide you’re not good at something that makes you happy. The world’s going to tell you it sucks anyway, and everyone deserves a happy bubble to walk around in. Just stay away from people who have a need to burst it and you’ll be all set. They always think they’re doing you a favor.
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 12:34 pm
thanks kiddo. now if i could just figure out how to leave this place.
Sissy said,
April 17, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Jim said: “God, I love hurt feelings.
I wish that they could bottle it, I’d drink it at the cemetery to start my day.”
Ten steps ahead of you. I patented two years ago and leave early for work so I can swing by the gravestones.
Sissy said,
April 17, 2007 at 12:58 pm
“Saranne, you in fact do make very Yodaesque points. Saranne you rule. I really appreciate your insights. I would never presume to 12 step your wise ass.”
Thank you McSmart.
Great. Does anyone have any fingernail polish remover? And how do I get this waterproof eyeliner off? Outcast today. Yoda tomorrow. This a tough crowd with which to keep up. Now where is my muslin robe and binder twine belt?
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 1:00 pm
prolly stcuk up heathers clam which accounts for her discomfort
you need to be mindful of where to put things sissy
Sissy said,
April 17, 2007 at 1:14 pm
I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed so many consecutive comments from Julie on a single blog! How refreshing.
Now that the smoke has settled in here, I feel the need to remind everyone that what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.
Jen, it’s been too long. How are you?
KC, you can have my shower head if that brush head isn’t working out for you. I mean, if you’re still in the market.
Julie, I have a terrible pain in my chest to the (my) right of my sternum. It’s debilitating. Incapacitating. Spank has witnessed my breath being taken away by this dilemna. But it comes out of nowhere and then hides for days. I make doctor’s appointments and then cancel them because I think I am cured until a day later when I am immobilized by the feeling of someone stabbing me in the chest. Does cancer hurt like that? I do smoke. My bad. But it’s not a lung pain. It’s a pain I can put my fingers on – like in the bone. I’m thinking that my spine is out of whack and it’s affecting the placement of my ribs because my sternum is sitting cock-eyed.
Sissy said,
April 17, 2007 at 1:15 pm
200! 200! 200! I hit 200!!!!
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 1:18 pm
it could be that she fell chest first onthe the uneven bars and cracked all of her ribs.
im just puting that out there
kc said,
April 17, 2007 at 1:45 pm
nope sissy, that isnt what i meant. at all. and im afraid that if you dont know that on your own i dont want to be the one that tells you.
“I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed so many consecutive comments from Julie on a single blog! How refreshing.”
HERE HERE! julie, commenting on her OWN blog? now THERES a novel idea.
I have a pain. Upper back. I have a rib out of place and it hurts to lay flat on my back. I have been to a chiro several times, they push it in, that makes it MORE sore for like to days and then it comes right back out.
What do you make of it, Jules?
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 1:48 pm
I suspect you have too many ribs.
Sissy said,
April 17, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Okay, yes, I forgot to add that the pain was spawned while on the uneven parallel bars, but still, it could be cancer. I’m not ruling it out.
Oh, KC, you mean the Talking Heads? Why didn’t you just say so? Jeeesh. Okay, lemme see what I have on my CD shelf. I can make you a mix. Weird, because I thought you were the music queen. I would think that someone of your musical stature would already have an extensive Talking Heads collection. Oh well. I learn something new every day.
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 1:53 pm
I thought she was talking about oral sex…huh
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:07 pm
What’s the opposite of an epiphany? I’m having one right now.
kc said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:07 pm
DING DING DING, somebody get spanks a prize.
Sissy, cancer doesnt hurt. not like that anyway.
Sissy said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Whew. I’m in the clear. That’s all I wanted to hear. Just for that, I’m giving you my Head tennis racket along with that Talking Heads mix I’m making for you.
Now, what’s this oral sex chatter all about? Please, someone, fill me in.
kc said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:11 pm
ha
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Like KC said…if you didnt know then we cant tell ya…
do i get a regular award for this or a lesbian award? I was hoping for a lesbian one…
kc said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:15 pm
well, wink wink, i could use another toaster…
oh wait, thats not what you meant by orize is it?! damn.
Sissy said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:16 pm
Oh, I guess you’re all linguists now, eh?
kc said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:16 pm
orize = prize
bringing spanky back said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:16 pm
“What’s the opposite of an epiphany? I’m having one right now.” the prospect of figuring out what that is and the fact that it is happening to heather made me laugh out loud…then i pictured a back balloon as heathers head and decided that would be the opposite of an epihany
spankalicious said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:17 pm
hehe
Sissy said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:17 pm
The opposite of an epiphany is the meaning of my life.
spankalicious said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:18 pm
wait a minute…im not getting an award am i? shoot.
spankalicious said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:19 pm
i think my front teeth are falling out. not kidding
kc said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:25 pm
the opposite of ephiphany is brain fart.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Thanks, everyone!
spankalicious said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:28 pm
you are welcome
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Just hold them up with your bottom lip—-that was cool.
spankalicious said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:41 pm
yeah, im sorry that you cant see the visual that Kookoo got to see…with my upper lip all smashed against my teeth…keeping them from falling out
Sissy said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:44 pm
It hurts my broken ribs to laugh. Stop. You’re killing me.
KC, maybe I can get a orize for all this free head paraphanalia I’m sending your way.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Whoa! I didn’t know the head was free.
Costello said,
April 17, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Hey Jules,
Now that you are a “doctor” and gleefully handing out cures and diagnoses, can you tell me why it hurts when I pee? Could it be an STD? Ok, who gave me an STD? What is this shit! Damn, what was her name, scanky, or runny, something like that…
Christy said,
April 17, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Secret Sneaker: i throw up everytime i brush my teeth. what can this mean?
Do you drink every day/night? I’ve noticed since I’ve stepped up my drinking efforts brushing my teeth in the AM always makes me puke in my mouth. The rest of the day I’m safe – for example I can suck an angry cock at night.
Of course it could be pregnancy as stated above.. I have a monthly abortion and therefore am in a perpetual cycle of pregnancy. I guess I’m not a good test subject for the toothbrush puke-in-mouth problem.
Jim said,
April 17, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Every abortion in a puke in the mouth of God, So sayeth the Shmoo.
Yeah, I’m totally into the Shmoo now.
kc said,
April 17, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Christy, I hear your liver screaming from here.
Oh, it said hello by the way.
Christy said,
April 17, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Oddly enough – my liver is polite.
Christy said,
April 17, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Can you imagine God with a mouth full of aborted fetus that he’s feeling too polite to spit out in front of others? I imagine he’d run to the bathroom like anyone else so he could discretely spit them into a paper towel.
Jim said,
April 17, 2007 at 4:44 pm
To show such respect for others even though he doesn’t have to…That’s why everybody loves him so.
Personally, I’ve been known to leave a heaping pile of chewed abortion on my plate – in mixed company.
Christy said,
April 17, 2007 at 4:51 pm
Actually Jim – in a special way that is respectful. I’d rather see it on the plate and know what I am dealing with than have a mystery napkin wad to contend with after you left my dinner party.
Christy said,
April 17, 2007 at 4:57 pm
I’d like to also add that the words “heaping pile of chewed abortion” really sing to my soul.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 5:04 pm
I can’t believe I was feeling guilty about turkey vagina examiners. Maybe the next product in this line can be the Deluxe Chewed Abortion Nobber.
Heather said,
April 17, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Because without a Nobber, how you gonna get it off the plate? That’s right. You won’t.
Jim said,
April 17, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Dinner Party? Soul? How did you get one? Does Rupert Murdoch send you one when you hit over 5,000 friends?
He collects them you know…
Christy said,
April 17, 2007 at 5:11 pm
Rupert Murdoch can spit out my grisly abortion.
Christy said,
April 17, 2007 at 5:14 pm
You got me – no I don’t have a soul. I was just having a quick toss with Prince Tuesday in the Neighborhood of Make Believe.
Jim said,
April 17, 2007 at 5:18 pm
Lady Elaine swallows.
Christy said,
April 17, 2007 at 5:23 pm
But she gags and that my friend is not very sexy..
Jim said,
April 17, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Henrietta Pussycat likes to be fisted.
It’s crazy – She lets her head roll every-which-way and her arms fall flat to her sides.
“Meow-meow, do a thumbs-up, meow-meow.”
Sissy said,
April 17, 2007 at 9:58 pm
Christy! Jim! Did I not say it hurts to laugh! OMG! Someone shoot me.
Jenn said,
April 18, 2007 at 1:22 am
Jesus H. Christ. WTF happened here? At the risk of riling everyone up again, I’m going to offer my 2 cents, since I was away all day today. There’s nothing wrong with a few inside jokes here and there, and sooner or later, we end up getting back on topic, or at least to some semblance of a topic.
Michael, if you have issues with Heather, take it up with her privately, and maybe refrain from insulting everyone else. Putting the smackdown on her on someone else’s blog is lame, IMHO. I don’t know, and really don’t care, about the backstory or what’s going on behind the scenes. All I care about is that this is a fun blog for me to read. You two can beat the crap out of each other on your own time for all I care, but I don’t really want to have people duking it out in front of me. And really, it’s all about me. (And sometimes Julie, but mostly about me.)
Just remember, fighting on the internet is like competing in the special olympics. Even if you win, you’re still retarded.
julieluongo said,
April 18, 2007 at 4:00 am
The symbolic doctor is back in.
Saranne, oh Saranne. You’re the only person I ever knew who got pleurisy. Ailments have been “taking your breath away” for a long time now. Breath, air intake…that’s life force stuff. This is too easy… probably because I know you, woman.
Diagnosis: You’re not enjoying the moment. Breathe.
Oh, and the cancer scare stuff is probably fear of death. You’ve got kids, which heightens the fear. And you smoke, so naturally you’re going to think it’s killing you. Probably the only time you consciously breathe deeply, is when you smoke. Hmm, it’s all connected…
Ok, here’s the deal. You’re going to die. Probably not tomorrow nor of what you think you’re going to die from. So, quit worrying about it. And breathe. Take a fresh air break and enjoy a moment of two today.
julieluongo said,
April 18, 2007 at 4:15 am
Ok, now, let’s see what else we’ve got for the symbolic doctor. KC, you have a rib out of place and upper back pain. I’m curious to know what side the stubborn rib is on.
Either way, the ribs enclose the vital organs and the upper back says “heart region” to me. So, I’m going to say that you don’t feel supported in love.
So, how do you remedy that when you’re not currently in a relationship? Well, I suppose it’s probably helpful to believe you deserve love. Do something that reminds you that you’re cool.
Oh, I’ve got it. Go on a photography excursion. Or just take some pictures today at lunch. Preferably not of any car accidents.
julieluongo said,
April 18, 2007 at 4:24 am
Costello, you’re having painful urination? Drink lots of water. Maybe you just got some burny soap up there.
If it’s a urinary tract infection, I’d say it’s because you’re unusually “pissed off” about something or at someone. Forgive. That’s the cure for excessive anger.
An STD is something else. This means you weren’t using protection and engaging in risky behavior. So, you’re not really respecting your sexual self. Maybe you’re ashamed of sex. Or possibly you have sexual guilt. Either way, you’re forcing yourself to confront that since you’re going to have to tell the clinic doctor just what you’ve done.
julieluongo said,
April 18, 2007 at 4:31 am
Don’t Forget…your symbolic doctor is not a replacement for your medical doctor. Support the mind remedy with the body remedy.
You’re welcome!
As usual, feel free to thank me properly:
http://julieluongo.wordpress.com/support-this-writer/
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 7:42 am
I was eating when i read the “abortion” section of this blog. and i threw up a little but. but since it was a yummy bagel and not a grisly abortion i was able to re-swallow.
jenn, thanks for telling us off. we needed it. atleast i know i did. i will stop my hyper freak outs.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 7:43 am
“i threw up a little but” hahahahahaah i meant bit
Sissy said,
April 18, 2007 at 7:54 am
That bout with pleurisy still haunts me. It’s one of those times in my life that I can detail verbatum – lying in bed, wheezing, reading “Women of Brewster Place” in preparation for finals, the room spinning, Kathy refusing to take me to the hospital….
(shudder.)
I have a good story regarding your diagnosis – a story that laid stones before I read your medical review of my condition this morning. It gave me chills. I won’t eat up your space, so I will introduce Sissy Things later today – around two – and shoot you a trackback.
I don’t how or why, Julie, but you and I exist on a lateral plane that freaks me out a little. Gotta rush to work. Then rush home and declare my revelation. What better way to begin a new blog than with the wisdom of Julie???
kc said,
April 18, 2007 at 8:26 am
“I was eating when i read the “abortion” section of this blog. and i threw up a little but. but since it was a yummy bagel and not a grisly abortion i was able to re-swallow.”
that is fucking gross and awesome.
I am going to follow your advice… probably this weekend.
and its the left side, by the way.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 8:35 am
fucking gross and awesome.
yep..that pretty much sums things up for me too.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 8:46 am
Come on! I haven’t even HAD my bagel yet. Gah. Also, Jenn, we only started fighting because we missed you. I suppose the “bathroom” needed “cleaning” again. Hmph. Whatever!
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 8:52 am
yeah…i missed jen too.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:02 am
Jenn must be on a new schedule, or having one of those “life” things. Pbbbtttt.
I also meant to add, vis a vis what Julie wrote, that I, too, have cried on a massage table. I hold my tension in my muscles all the time. Like right now? Holy crap, I need a massage. I need a long massage from a young Swedish boy who knows how to make a good margari… Ooops. TMI. But, I, too, love the Neighborhood of Make Believe. Everyone get massages this weekend! Drunken, Swedish massages!
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:08 am
I used to live with a massage student. best years of my life.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:12 am
ok so julie has discussed and solved most of my ailments…and you know what?? after talking about walking out on my job yesterday…i didnt gag last night during teef brushing.
magic!!
perhaps you can diagnose the fatigue that has followed me thru out my adult life…
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:13 am
You were going to walk out?? Please explain, I did not know this…..
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:14 am
Spanks, maybe you just needed to talk about it.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:17 am
“The greatest pains are those we can’t tell others.” – Jewish proverb
Be duly forewarned. I’m feeling proverbial today.
Matt Lesoine said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:28 am
Man: “What’s your problem, boy? Is it ignorance or apathy?”
Boy: “Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.”
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:33 am
I got a fortune cookie one time that said, “You would make a good attorney.” I thought that was really presumptuous coming from a cookie. Then I wondered how I could get that job. I would make the best fortunes…
“You’re looking thin today.”
“People wish they were you.”
“Don’t gag yourself with a toothbrush.”
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:34 am
Ha…no kookoo, i just WANTED TO WALK OUT. and i NEED to leave this place…it is toxic, opressive, awful, and i die a little bit everytime i walk thru the doors.
thats why i dont care about pay cuts and so forth. sure ill be poor, but im always poor so what does it matter?
all the money in the world wont make this place right.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:36 am
Spanky, YOU CAN DOO EET!
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:37 am
I agree Spank–happiness is most important. I will just miss you
Christy said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:00 am
“I also meant to add, vis a vis what Julie wrote, that I, too, have cried on a massage table.”
I cry during sex.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:03 am
wait…you cry every time you have sex? EVERY TIME??
well. i dont know what to say about that. its that good or its that bad? or your just grateful to be having it?
i dont cry much…which is probably why i have bad nerves..maybe i will try some sobbing while i have some sex…if i ever find some.
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:13 am
I like sex. It doesnt make me cry. However, I do seem to have a facial expression problem….
Christy said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:13 am
It’s joy – looking forward to my end-of-month abortion.
kc said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:14 am
I have had girls cry during sex.
I just keep going. Is that rude?
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:14 am
gulp. ok.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:22 am
Anything that releases tension can make people cry, I’d imagine. And, you know, if “one”’s not having sex, well, damn it, Sven is just going to have to hold “one”. HOLD ME, SVEN!
kc said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:23 am
heather, what are you babbling about?
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:24 am
I was just saying how hot I was for the Swedish Chef. I’m sorry. Is that taboo?
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:25 am
Girls crying during sex is probably a compliment. I’ve cried during sex. I cry a lot. I should probably up my meds.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:28 am
Or, you know, get some.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:31 am
These days I mostly cry because I used to have regular sex and it kept me on an even keel. Now, I’m “boo-hoo” this and “sob-sob” that. That’s how I cry: I say “boo-hoo” and “sob-sob” instead of real sobbing.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:37 am
I dont cry. it takes extreme things to make me cry.
i wish i was a better cryer. i bet id be more relaxed if i was.
Gary said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:38 am
Why are you all always trying to turn me on?
kc said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:42 am
more relaxed, or stop puking every moring and night.
Jen said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:43 am
I laugh when I have a truly great orgasm. My poor hubby – it took him a while to get used to the fact that it is just an emotional release, and not a commentary on his “performance”. Aftrer all these years he tries to get me to laugh now – he knows it’s the ultimate compliment for his efforts……..
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:43 am
I amagine you often find yourself in the company of a sobbing woman gary. that must be very gratifying for you.
actually we all meet about 6am and brainstorm about how to turn you on….
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:43 am
todays brainstomr led to sobbing during sex and a side of Grisel
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:45 am
crying + orgasm – toothpaste gagging= a good day.
i think
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:46 am
Jenn: me, too! I laugh my ass off after sex. I’m guessing from the happiness. At least, I remember doing that. I’ll have to consult the archives. “Boo-hoo!”
Gary said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:48 am
I started masturbating when I read all of that abortion talk. Because I’m a liberal.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:49 am
Ha ha ha ha.
kc said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:49 am
no, thats cause youre crazy.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:50 am
hahahhaah that is so foul i cant do anything but laugh gary…
Jen said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:50 am
Hey Heather – just to avoid confusion – I’m “Jen”, not “Jenn” – I’m the one with 3 kids who doesn’t comment a whole lot…..
Yeah – nothing like a good laugh after great sex to keep me in a wonderful mood for days and days……
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:51 am
on another note ive decided to spend the rest of the day flexing my nostrils. most people let their nostrils go down the tubes…all saggy…not this gal!!
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:52 am
Jen! Right. I’m Heather with one R.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:52 am
And I am glad to know I’m not alone.
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:54 am
I think you should practice only flexing one nostril at a time.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:55 am
i never which jen im talking to…but i like em both so i just assume they are one jen with two sep lives.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:56 am
“Happiness comes in small doses, folks. It’s a cigarette, or a chocolate cookie, or a five second orgasm. That’s it, ok! You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to fucking work, ok!? That is it! End of fucking list!”
- Denis Leary
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:56 am
flexing one nostril at a time is harder than you might imagine. id prolly have to consult jedi master micheal on how to do that without accidently “throwing my nose out”
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:57 am
meanwhile i am still also holding my front teeth in place iwht my upper lip. so i look pretty sexy right now.
koo koo i should walk around the dept with my sexy pirate retard face. its been a while
Jen said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:58 am
Are there a lot of Heathers? I only know one personally IRL….. I was so paranoid about naming my kids something that 10million other kids their ages are named. SO I did ok with 1, and 3 but poor #2 – I named him Owen, and now it’s moved up to somthing like #44 on the popular names list. Sucks. I blame Owen Wilson entirely. Who’s going to boycott his movies with me???
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:59 am
his nose upsets me.
my kids names are ok, but the nicknames “crap” and “face” are rarely used.
Gary said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:00 am
I named my son Owen – it’s my middle name and my wife always liked it. Owen Wilson has an ass on his nose.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:00 am
Heathers are everywhere. That’s why they didn’t name that movie, “Rebeccas” or “Ritas”.
I stand by all your boycotting efforts. We shall overcome Owen Wilson.
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:00 am
Spank, I love the sexy retard pirate face. I need a good laugh today. And I am completely on for boycotting Owen Wilson movies–he’s a turd. His nose looks like a broken penis.
Gary said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:01 am
That Denis Leary quote only applies to men.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:04 am
Owen Wilson threw his nose out.
Jen said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:07 am
Gary I completely LOVE the name Owen. We picked it out 11 years ago when we first started trying to have kids. It just sucks that by the time we got around to using it, it had become more popular. I totally have a chip on my shoulder about having a popular name – can you tell? I wanted names for my kids that weren’t in the top 100, yet weren’t stupid made up names with freakish spellings….. The year before my DS was born Owen was like 120. The year after he was born it was 44 or so, and has stayed there ever since.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:07 am
flexing his nostrils no doubt..
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:08 am
I’m saying.
Jen said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:08 am
Spanky -find someone with a camera – we all want to see the Sexy Retard Pirate Face. Koo Koo is getting all the love……..
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:09 am
his brother luke is a hot one. i likey.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:16 am
I was going to make Ethan’s middle name Owen, then my vanity took over and I threw my last name in there. I figured naming him “Heather, Junior” was going to create problems.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:17 am
So now he’s just Ethan Swizzleteat Jones. I think it has a ring to it.
Jenn said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:17 am
I am not an Owen Wilson fan, and I blame him for breaking up Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson. I am also a little bitter about Denise Richards breaking up Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora and especially Angelina and what she did to Jennifer Aniston.
As to name popularity, try being a Jennifer in your late 20s early 30s. Gah. No wonder why Jen wanted a not so popular name for her son. It sucks being one of 37 BAJILLION Jennifers. I once took a writing class. There were 13 people in the class. There were 5 Jennifers and a Jenna. That’s half the class right there.
Also, I love Denis Leary. Love him. We’re currently watching No Cure for Cancer and Lock and Load on DVD. I have the asshole song stuck in my head.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:19 am
Ethan Swizzleteat Jones….laughd so hard. anything with the word “teat’ in it is FANTASTIC. im jealous. i wanna be jessica bianchiteat
KooKoojennipoo said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:20 am
Yes. The name Jennifer sucks. I feel your pain.
Jen said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:20 am
Oh – one exception to the boycott – MY Owen loves the fact that Lightning McQueen in “Cars” is voiced by an Owen….. So we own that one. But that’s where I draw the line. At least I don’t havce to look at his face-phallus!!
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:21 am
We’ve got three Jennifers right now! Yay! Jenn, where you beenn?
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:24 am
Hold it…are all three jen;s in the house?
Heahter…you blog is holding my comment for consideration…I HOLD FOR NO ONE YOU FOOOOOOOLLLL!!!
sorry. i got a little worked up
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:24 am
Jenn: no kids, clean bathroom. Thinks Owen Wilson is a homewrecker.
Jen: 3 kids, few comments. Thinks Owen Wilson has a penis-face.
KooKooJenniPoo: works with Spank, rookie. Thinks Owen Wilson has a broken-penis-face.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:26 am
hmmm. lemme jot this down on a note card…
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:27 am
We need Team Luongo trading cards.
Jen said,
April 18, 2007 at 11:30 am
Hey – I have ONE clean bathroom in my house! The kids don’t come into Mommy’s Bathroom without a really really really good reason – like bleeding from the eyeballs…….
Gary said,
April 18, 2007 at 12:14 pm
As long as Owen Wilson continues to work with Wes Anderson, I will not be able to boycott him.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Hm. Good point. I actually enjoy the whole Wilson ouevre. That’s right: oeuvre.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Er, “hors d’oeuvre”? Something like that.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Man, “oeuvre” is one effed-up word. How many vowels does it need?
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Sorry, KC. I meant “one fucked-up word”.
Sissy said,
April 18, 2007 at 1:37 pm
“id prolly have to consult jedi master micheal”
WHOA!!!!!! HA….EH….UH….RRRRRAAAAAWWWWW, OORRRRRAAAAWWWW, OHHHHHHERRRRRHHHHHAAAAA. (wookie talk)
Sissy said,
April 18, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Jen, so good to see you again. We mother’s of three are few and far between amongst the chronicles. I’ve had trouble keeping my head above the water in here as of late. But all’s good now. My girls’ names (not that anyone asked):
Zoey
Claire
Hazel
Your Owens are the only ones I know, except for broken penis ass nose actor guy who, I if I may be so bold, I like.
I keep laughing out loud reading these antics! And I am interfering with my four-year-old’s Harry Potter movie. She’s like, “Mah……om. I can’t hear.” And “Stop laughing at your computer.” When she realized what she said she popped up at my side with, “Hey, lemme see what’s going on there. I wanna see what’s so funny.” EEEK.
From the top ten reasons why you should not teach your children to read:
Reasons ten through two: See number one.
Reason number one: So they don’t read your blog mania over your shoulder.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 1:49 pm
i think when we look back upon this comment siisy, will be able to dectect the exact moment “messiest deathstar” attacked us. thanks. thanks alot
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Sissy, I’m feeling you. Ethan’s always “Mah-om, that’s not how you spell ‘hors d’oeuvre.’” And I’m all, “Get back to scrubbing the bathtub, slave. Who told you you could come out of the basement?”
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 1:52 pm
5 years old! Thinks he knows everything.
kc said,
April 18, 2007 at 1:56 pm
you know, you guys should join a chatroom.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 1:59 pm
oh well i guess we could…or we cOULD all just whip on over to heathers or sissy’s place and talk about you for your harsh words in SUGGESTING WE LEAVE THIS SAFE HAVEN FOR (gasp!) a chat room.
spankalicious said,
April 18, 2007 at 2:01 pm
i was unaware, that you, KC were the Julie Luongo police department of unwanted blogger inforcement.
I am embarrassed now. i did not know that I and my comments were unwanted and frowned upon.
I will leave . You could have told me privately and saved me this public disgrace. real classy KC
kc said,
April 18, 2007 at 2:03 pm
“Julie Luongo police department of unwanted blogger inforcement”
i like that.
kc said,
April 18, 2007 at 2:04 pm
and the idea of the three of you sitting around talking about me IS a bit unsettling.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 2:37 pm
There is no talking about KC on my blog. I don’t say anything about anyone behind their back that I wouldn’t, or haven’t, already said to their face. And since I’ve never been in your face, Ms. KC, I’ve got nothing but blog-love for ya. Now, if you came to my house and crapped in my hydrangeas or something, well, we’d have to throw down. I’m guessing you’d win.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 2:38 pm
I will not stand for hydrangea poo.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Let us recall that we are bound together by our love for this blog and not linger over the things that divide us. Like pole-smoking, Rwandan bongdage, or Owen Wilson.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 2:52 pm
I said, “bongdage”. Hee hee. I meant, um… “ass-rape.”
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 3:03 pm
Aw, man! Where’s Spanky? She would have thought that was funny.
Gary said,
April 18, 2007 at 3:15 pm
I was going to suggest a chat-room. I even installed one for the heck of it a while back. But then I figured, eh why bother?
here’s the address:
http://www.wfzr.net/chat/phpMyChat.php3
feel free to trash the place… or not.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Mwah to you, Gary! Making peace. Double-mwah!
Matt Lesoine said,
April 18, 2007 at 3:31 pm
It really seems like 95% of you have been quite testy over these comments. Personally I don’t care what people say on here. I’m just a little bit curious as to why some people are “called out” over their comments and also why others are “calling them out?” I guess I am now one of the callers out, but it’s just something I’ve been pondering for the past 2 or 3 days.
Gary said,
April 18, 2007 at 3:46 pm
I’m not sure who got testy Matt. I think it was all a big load of manufactured drama that people willingly participated in (myself included).
Matt Lesoine said,
April 18, 2007 at 3:51 pm
I thought that maybe the lunar cycle was a bit off as everybody was acting especially sensitive at times
Gary said,
April 18, 2007 at 3:59 pm
It’s basically the 1 Heather, 2 sisters and 3 Jen’s that are the problem. It’s their mission in life to ruin other people’s blogs.
Sissy said,
April 18, 2007 at 4:12 pm
“and the idea of the three of you sitting around talking about me IS a bit unsettling.”
Hold your horses. I, for one, talk about people to their faces. I don’t need no safe haven.
Jen said,
April 18, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Hi Sissy –
Not that you asked, but:
Zoey – 153
Claire – 95
Hazel – 514
Those figures are for 2005.
If anyone is interested, I like the Social Security site for name popularity.
http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/
kc said,
April 18, 2007 at 4:19 pm
i dont believe your name was mentioned, sissy. at least not by me.
do any of you feel retarded for having this conversation???
I know I do.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 4:27 pm
The retardiest. But if Gary is right, that’s 6 people ruining this blog for everyone else. Is that the consensus? Should we vote to remove us or something? Or maybe vote for a new Congress that will say they’ll do something about us, then never impeach? I don’t know. I’m not wise in these ways.
Maybe each of us has a blog nemesis. (Or, in Gary’s case, 6 nemesii.) But hell, that makes it interesting in here! How lame would it be if we came in every day and went, ‘Yup yup yup yup’? Lame, baby. Lame, lame, lame like a duck. I enjoy the presence of all of you. A lot. Really. Because without this blog, I am forced to work. And that, my friends, is wrong on so many levels.
Sissy said,
April 18, 2007 at 4:42 pm
My bad, KC. Forget feeling retarded. I don’t even know what we’re talking about.
Matt Lesoine said,
April 18, 2007 at 5:00 pm
I enjoy a little bit of controversy or confrontation. But people need to not get all huffy. (Insert/repeat the comment regarding internet arguing and special olympics HERE)
I think the interactions are totally hilarious and that’s why I check them out around 170 times a day. It’t just extremely odd that I decide to act as a (semi) voice of reason; ask anybody that knows me or reference any of my prior comments…
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 5:02 pm
Maybe for the sake and comfort of our hostess, Julie, we could try to refrain from name-calling, even if we are convinced it will be funny. Because seeing an insult in print, in front of the whole world, is hard to take for most people. Perhaps we’re all guilty of assuming people can surmise our good intentions when our words, in fact, don’t carry any. And this medium forces us to assess each other solely through what we’ve written without any other signals like body language, tone of voice, etc., even from people we’ve known personally.
To sum up: It’s a brave new world. No name-calling. (I so badly want to add, “ya pansies.” But see? I didn’t.)
Much blog-love to you all.
Jenn said,
April 18, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Okay, just so you know, I’m the Jenn with 2 N’s. I have been since college, when my best friend was ALSO a Jennifer and we had our own radio show. Someone asked how they could tell us apart, and I said, “She’s Jen with 1 N and I am Jenn with 2 N’s.” That seemed to solve the problem.
Except now 1 N Jen has turned into some hippy dippy Californian and we don’t talk anymore.
Heather said,
April 18, 2007 at 5:16 pm
And please note, this little spot o’controversy has racked up 358 comments. We’re a team! And we’re all “special”! We need Special Team Luongo Helmets!
Gary said,
April 18, 2007 at 5:21 pm
but it’s all fake controversy (well at least most of it)
Sissy Things said,
April 18, 2007 at 5:22 pm
[...] Yesterday afternoon, prior to stealing the night for myself, I had consulted Julie on my chronic pain. Aside from a minor injury that had occurred about a week ago, Julie knew what I was talking about. Because she always does. She didn’t respond until 3 or 4 this moring. (Note: Julie take a shower and go for a walk.) So that upon waking in my state of recovery, I read comment number 246 at Julie’s. [...]
Sissy said,
April 18, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Not fake controversy, fabricated controversy. Not that I’m stirring up any controversy with you, Gary. Just saying.
Sissy said,
April 18, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Jenn, I’ll race you to 400.
Sissy said,
April 18, 2007 at 6:30 pm
And a note on controversy, fabricated or bonafied:
I love this place. And I enjoy everyone who frequents this pad. If I didn’t have Julie’s blog, I’d have no good excuse as to why my bathrooms are not clean. It’s high time we called it a day with the sensitivies and the low blows (although, I haven’t witnessed any real low blows). I don’t think anyone here is truely being mean because everything you guys come up with makes me howl in laughter. (God with a mouthful of abortions!!!!!! That is going to make me inappropriately laugh out loud alone in a public place. Really.)
I wish for you all to hang in there until this planetary alignment issue passes and then continue to amuse me at your will.
julieluongo said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:49 pm
The symbolic doctor is in again:
Spanky, the fatigue…you say you’ve had it all your life? Or maybe it’s fairly recent? Or, maybe it’s been a long time, but you can still recall a time when you didn’t feel this way? Jus curious.
Either way, your low energy says that you’re lacking an energizing force or a motivating goal. I’m going to go back to the creativity solution for this. I think it’s cool that you liked to paint. You should probably incorporate that into your life. You might have more energy if you spend some time doing something you enjoy rather than just fulfilling obligations.
julieluongo said,
April 18, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Oh, and KC, thank you for your copay!! You’re great. Be assured that the money will go toward the sorts of things symbolic doctors need, like chicken wings and beer.
Hearing that your sore rib is on the left furthers my theory about your heart. Oh, also, I was thinking that there’s probably a vulnerability issue at hand as well since the rib pain makes it so you can’t lie on your back, which is the most vulnerable position we can be in. Maybe another remedy would be to take a risk. Easier said than done, I suppose.
Sissy said,
April 18, 2007 at 10:23 pm
You should see Spanky’s paintings. It’s like watching Will Hunting.
Jenn said,
April 19, 2007 at 12:05 am
OH MY GOD PEOPLE!! LAY OFF MY BATHROOM, WILL YOU??? JESUS.
Momma, what’s my OCD mean?
Heather said,
April 19, 2007 at 1:07 am
We’re in awe of your bathroom, man. We can’t help it.
I’m interested to hear about Jenn’s OCD. Mine means I click this blog 5,000 times a day. Beat that, Matt Lesoine! Can’t.
julieluongo said,
April 19, 2007 at 11:06 am
OCD and other psychological quirks are the easiest for the symbolic doctor (as is dream interpretation).
Jenn, your cleaning OCD is about controlling your environment and helps you quell the feeling that you’re out of control while you indulge your highly developed organizational skills. It’s the perfect solution. Everything gets clean and you feel good.
Heather, your OCD is probably about something different. You might feel isolated, many parents of young children do. And it’s probably heightened by the fact that, while you have a work situation where, while you are with lots of people, you’re still somewhat on the outside (although, I may be wrong…but I thought you were full-time freelance). You’re probably indulging your OCD because your out-of-control feeling has to do with feeling disconnected from others.
Jenn said,
April 19, 2007 at 1:39 pm
So you take your psychological ailments and turn them into physical ones, and I just clean my house and organize my stuff? Yeah, that sounds about right.
Heather said,
April 19, 2007 at 2:05 pm
NICE JOB, DR. J! Indeed. I’m contracted, but I have to come into the actual office most days on-site, but my job is so unlike everyone else’s that I don’t have a real niche or people with whom to commiserate. Also, the people are, um, not into reading OR writing, and I’m in project limbo. So I come here, read the smart wordies and remind myself I’m not a freak for being literate. I’m a freak because I don’t clean my bathroom.
Jenn said,
April 19, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Dear Michael,
Where have you been? Are you on hiatus?
Do you still like us? Check one:
____ yes _____ no
Jenn, on behalf of everyone else
Sissy said,
April 19, 2007 at 9:42 pm
Michael is moving. No Internet for a while.
Jen said,
April 19, 2007 at 11:41 pm
Ok Dr. L, I need dream analysis.
So I have been having NYC dreams for the past several months – about 6 months. They are all very “real”. Not the kind of weird situations/strange people to have in the same place kind of thing at all.
The first one was about my Dad leaving his apartment – well, the day after, and I drove in to the city and parked at that garage near his old place and walked up to the apartment to sift through the crap that he’d left behind because I was sure that there was something important that I needed to find. I had to leave the apartment before I found it – just to run out to get something. There was this sense of urgency – like I was kind of B&E to even be there since he HAD already moved….. and I woke up before I made it back to the apt.
All the other dreams since then have been about driving into the city to do something. I don’t know what the something is, but it’s definitely not to go back to Dad’s place again. Sometimes I park downtown, other times I park in mid-town. I do a lot of walking around on familiar streets. I’m not strtessed, or in any way concerned about what I need to do, I just know that I have a specific thing to get to. But I never do. I always wake up before I get to whatever it is. (And it’s not always because the baby has woken me up!) Usually I am alone, but sometimes your sister is with me. I never run into anyone I know, or meet anyone specific. And I’m having a good enough time while I’m there.
So I have these dreams 3-4 times a month that I can remember. It’s not unpleasant, but I honestly can’t figure out what it’s all about. I mean Dad’s been out of the city for going on 6 years now, and here I am dreaming about it all the time.
Jenn said,
April 19, 2007 at 11:44 pm
Well as long as he hasn’t stalked off in a huff.
Sissy said,
April 20, 2007 at 7:46 am
Since Jen has opened up the dream therapy session, I have one for you too, Julie. It’s water. Water dreams almost once a week. Sometimes my house is filling with water, other times I’m out and about and everthing is filling with water. It’s not that I’m panicked about the water in the dreams, but I do spend the dreams either saving people from the water, salvaging objects in the house and just being pissed off that my world is flooding, like it’s an inconvenience of sorts.
Here’s the weird part. Last week, Claire woke up and said she had a dream that her and Hazel were in the ocean and the current was taking Hazel out to sea. In the dream, Claire was able to save Hazel and on their way to ice cream after the rescue, I woke her for school. (she was mad that I didn’t let her sleep long enough for the ice cream) That very day, just a half hour later, I was getting Hazel into the car for school. Claire had already left for school with Andy. As I was buckling Hazel in, she told me that she had a dream that she was drowning. I asked who saved her and she said that I was the one who rescued her from the water. I’ve never mentioned my water dreams to my kids, so they are not dreaming based on anything I’ve ever said.
Another weird thing about the dreams is that Zoey is never in them. Her best friend, Jenna sometimes shows up and I’m trying to get Jenna out of the water and take her to Zoey, but Zoey is never there.
Also, one of my water dreams had taken place in a hotel. Five days later, when I went to see John Edward live, the hotel in which he was doing his show was the same exact hotel I had dreamt was filling with water.
Heather said,
April 20, 2007 at 10:20 am
Do not even get me started on dream interpretation. I’ll be here for days. Once I was reading to Ethan for his nap, and I had this image of nachos in my head. Don’t ask: I don’t even like nachos. Out of nowhere, Ethan who was all of 3 at the time, said, “Nachos.” And I wondered if I had pictured them because he was thinking of them, or vice versa. Like was I reading his mind or was he reading mine? Things like that used to happen all the time when he was younger. As he gets older, not as much. We’re both pretty psychic. Uh. I meant, “psycho”.
Heather said,
April 20, 2007 at 10:22 am
For me, dream water always had to do with feelings or emotions.
Heather said,
April 20, 2007 at 10:24 am
Ocean dreams, but I’d either be drowning or sailing nicely along. Depended on what was going on in my life at the time.
the unsinkable spanky brown said,
April 20, 2007 at 11:06 am
Im back.
the unsinkable spanky brown said,
April 20, 2007 at 11:07 am
my dreams in relation to sissy are water dreams. i can breath under water. in the dream. it is fantastic.
also i had that computer chair dream but that is another story…much like the today sponge in the hiklarity factor.
Heather said,
April 20, 2007 at 11:26 am
Yay! Spadinkadanks!
Heather said,
April 20, 2007 at 11:27 am
You are not a cat! You are a magical human-fish! A mer-Spank!
the unsinkable spanky brown said,
April 20, 2007 at 11:32 am
mer spank. hmm sounds like id be a merkin (hair pieces for balding beavers)
so lets call me a spankmaid instead.
Heather said,
April 20, 2007 at 11:35 am
Spankmaid also sounds sort of wrong. But you’re the fish, so we’ll go with it.
the unsinkable spanky brown said,
April 20, 2007 at 11:48 am
ummmm. well…i could be a whale instead…which is actually a little more fitting
Heather said,
April 20, 2007 at 11:58 am
Fitting? Like Chuck Norris action jeans? Awright.
Sissy said,
April 20, 2007 at 12:41 pm
I like Merspank.
the unsinkable spanky brown said,
April 20, 2007 at 12:45 pm
you would
Heather said,
April 20, 2007 at 1:08 pm
We are sorry for your loss, KooKoo.
Heather said,
April 20, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Whoa! I don’t know how that happened, but methinks someone’s fooling with the blog clock!
julieluongo said,
April 20, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Poor KooKoo. I’m so sorry. I put my old good dog pal down in Feb. Here’s how I felt:
http://julieluongo.wordpress.com/2007/02/04/bear-bedouin-luongo-1993-2007/
Sissy said,
April 20, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Peace.
Sissy said,
April 20, 2007 at 1:44 pm
What’s going on with the clock. It’s freaking me out a little because I…..oh, never mind. I’m just freaked.
Sissy said,
April 20, 2007 at 1:46 pm
That is just wrong! Maybe it’s KooKoo’s dog messing with us. I mean that with not an ounce of disrespect for the dead. Nada.
Sissy said,
April 20, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Clock test.
Jenn said,
April 20, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Four hundred
Jenn said,
April 20, 2007 at 4:55 pm
IS MINE
Jenn said,
April 20, 2007 at 4:56 pm
OH MY GOD
Jenn said,
April 20, 2007 at 4:57 pm
WTF? It kept bumping Spanky’s comments down. Wtf is going on here? Did I miss a whole discussion on this?
the unsinkable spanky brown said,
April 20, 2007 at 5:46 pm
I would also like a moment of silence for KooKoojennipoo, who last night had to put her beloved doggie to sleep.
sad sad friday.
Sissy said,
April 20, 2007 at 8:35 pm
Jenn. I am seething. SEETHING I tell you!
Sissy said,
April 20, 2007 at 8:36 pm
A true work of art, right there. The mount, the execution, the dismount and BAM, the slide into 400.
Green Milk said,
April 22, 2007 at 8:52 pm
Ha! I just read all 404 of those comments. I am Green Milk…Super Hero blog comment reader.
julieluongo said,
April 22, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Awesome, Green Milk was here!