I’m always keeping my eye out for the worst product I can find. It’s something I’ve liked to do ever since I forsook my Advertising education. I like to find terrible crap and say to myself, “I might have had to sell that had I not renounced my degree.” Well, that’s sort-of formal for interior monologue. Plus, it’s probably more likely that I’d say, “I could have sold that crap like nobody’s business.”
But honestly, who wants a truck cab alarm clock? Are there that may truckers who love the profession so much that they want to be reminded of it when they’re not on the road?
I know a trucker. It cracks me up to think of him as a trucker. He’s had lots of job titles but I like to put hair stylist and trucker next to each other. It’s funny, right? Ok, so right now he’s driving the big rigs. Naturally, I had to check out his cab. I’d been in a truck before when I was forced to abandon my car and hitch a ride to civilization before the storm stranded me on a mountain. I wonder what ever happened to that car?
The insides of both of the cabs I’ve seen have molded plastic inserts for shelves and a mattress on the molded piece in the back. There is tons of space. They’re roomier than my first college dorm. My friend can stow his guitar in the storage spot above the windshield. The other trucker had a TV and VCR and lots of really lame action movies in his cubbies. So, I suppose there’s space for an alarm clock. But my friend has tons of high-tech gadgets in his truck. He even has Sirius radio (which I covet). So, I don’t see him needing a clunky alarm clock. It’s a tough sell. I’ll give it some thought because come Christmas I’ve got to sell the imaginary crap out of these things.
Matt Lesoine said,
December 14, 2006 at 10:14 am
Don’t forget some of the other highlights:
Cab driver
Short order cook
Dockworker
Pilot
Student
Doorman/bouncer
Roofer
Plasma Donator
House-man (don’t really want to use House-husband there’s been enough suspicion about me already)
Founding member of “Drunk Brothers Construction”
Dog Trainer
Adventure Seeker
Bodybuilder
Toughman Fighter
Professional Gambler
Comedian – maybe not on stage but in real life, definitely
Social Worker
Psych Ward Security Officer
International Diplomat
Movie critic
And those are just a few of the ones I can mention due to the statute of limitations…
I assume that someday the story will come out that he’s a secret operative for the government; and that many of the clandestine activities were actually sanctioned by some obscure Congressional committee. How else could it be explained?
julieluongo said,
December 14, 2006 at 12:39 pm
Comedian, for sure. Possibly it’s all an elaborate performance piece to crack us up.
D said,
December 15, 2006 at 4:50 pm
Have you forgotten Fashion consultant to the elderly.
Come on, anyone who knows this “friend” will have to agree that is the funniest.
I one time got a call on my cell phone from this common friend.
I said: “Hello? Hello? Blanky McBlankerton??” But no one answered.
I heard talking, but it wasn’t to me, I knew who it was from my Caller ID.
(why does that line sound like a rap song?)
Anyway I decide to listen. (If you ever get the accidental dial from a non-flip phone user, trust me, LISTEN)
I hear Blanky chattin’ it up with an old lady, “that looks really nice on you, and we also have it in Velcro!” The lady was putty in his hands. I listened and laughed for awhile then hung up. The next time I saw him I told him how nice his outfit was and asked if it was available in Velcro. He laughed with a strange look on his face. I then told him about the dangers of cell phones and phantom dialing to your friends in moments of embarrassment and urged him to try a flip phone next time.
Good Times, Good Times.
I hadn’t thought of that story in awhile. Thanks Jules!!
julieluongo said,
December 15, 2006 at 5:35 pm
I did not forget that. I jsut didn’t know how to put it. “Sold specialty clothes at nursing homes” was the best I could conjure. And that doesn’t quite capture how weird the job was. Edema socks! Ew.
Matt Lesoine said,
December 15, 2006 at 6:37 pm
You know I actually forgot about that one. Which is odd since he had it for more than a month or two. The other strange thing about it is that I never heard the name of the company or any specific product they sold mentioned. Yet he managed to get a promotion, company car, and several NJ driving infractions along the way.
I’d hate to have somebody steal the idea, but I bet FOX would pay good money for us to write them a pilot for a sitcom about his varying professions. Maybe title it “A Year in the Life of Duke Goodwin” or something like that. Each season would consist of his exploits at 4-5 of the different jobs. I’m not familiar with casting but somebody could find the perfect actor; though I’m sure it would be a challenge to capture the true essence of his being.
julieluongo said,
December 15, 2006 at 6:47 pm
Great idea. I’ll write it! Wait, I don’t know how to write a pilot. Pilot…hey, we forgot the pilot licensing stuff.
sarah said,
December 15, 2006 at 7:16 pm
No actor could capture his essence. He will just have to add actor to the list and do it himself.
julieluongo said,
December 15, 2006 at 7:33 pm
I can’t think of anyone who has the chops and is also that effing cute.
sarah said,
December 15, 2006 at 9:15 pm
Jack Black!!!! He’s the one. He’s not as cute, but he has that absolutely adorable look that is Duke Goodwin all over!!!
julieluongo said,
December 15, 2006 at 10:25 pm
I don’t mean to be all like, no way, you’re crazy, but girrrrl, whachu thinking? We can’t afford Jack Black for our sitcom. Damn.
I’m picking Mark Besser. He was in the Upright Citzen’s Brigade and is a damn fine comedic actor. Check out this picture where he’s acting goofy and see if it doesn’t remind you of some good old fashioned Goodwin hijinx.
http://www.wastedapples.com/MB5.GIF
Lisa said,
December 15, 2006 at 11:47 pm
I don’t know who this person is, but I definitely want to watch the sitcom.
MOM said,
December 16, 2006 at 12:10 am
You’re my children, and as usual, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
julieluongo said,
December 16, 2006 at 12:40 am
But you knew what I was talking about when I wrote this:
http://julieluongo.wordpress.com/tag/studies-show/
sarah said,
December 16, 2006 at 12:42 am
Oh, you know EXACTLY who we are talking about…think, think, think…
And this is a sitcom? I thought movie. Screenplay. Get on it. TOOOO FUNNY!
julieluongo said,
December 16, 2006 at 12:46 am
Turns out I’m supposed to be a screen writer. Stay tuned for my next post…coming shortly.
D said,
December 16, 2006 at 10:38 am
It’s funny how we want to make a sitcom of him, because he is the star of your blog right now, let’s add that to his list. How about Dave Chappelle? He is hilarious and out of work right now, he does TV and movies, but the entertainment industry is punishing him. Let’s show him how much we appreciate a hard working man that can keep the crowd laughing.
Jenn said,
December 16, 2006 at 10:48 am
Dave Chapelle might be a little too unstable for a first timer’s pilot. Think outside the box. Just in the past week, I saw two stories on TV about serious actors breaking out of their tough guy image to do comedy. Leslie Nielson and Peter Boyle.
Matt Lesoine said,
December 18, 2006 at 9:36 am
I don’t know the actor’s name but I think that the hispanic (latino?) guy on Prison Break could work if his accent is controllable. I hope that doesn’t come off as racist or anything but I mean Duke’s been accused of being Mexican, Puerto Rican, Spanish, etc on numerous occasions. That actor is built well and good looking, and on Prison Break had some excellent comedic scenes at times too.
I considered Jack Black and Dave Chapelle originally but the costs would be extreme. Unless Dave Chapelle wants to get back to the whole making people laugh thing and the money isn’t the object? We could offer him $50 rather than $50 million.
I also considered Horatio Sans but he’s a touch too heavy to portray Duke. Might be funny though…
Stephen said,
December 21, 2006 at 11:58 pm
Cuba Gooding, Jr. or Ice Cube. His lips are lucious!