Keep the good knives in the voodoo doll. You won’t need them for any of your upcoming feasts.
If you haven’t been up all night with a hacking cough, then you might not know about the Sonic Blade Cordless Electric Knife.
It’s this season’s answer to cutting bell peppers very slowly. Or slicing through tall sandwiches made with 4 slices of bread. Sandwiches that would never fit in your mouth nor would you want them to (unless you like yellow processed cheese and white bread). It will stop you from mangling your turkey this Thanksgiving. And will cut those tricky foods like strawberries and celery.
It has an enormous grip, which is what all of the world’s best chefs recommend. And it vibrates. So, that’s fun. One year I was forced by my grandmother (at guilt point) to cut up a whole ham with an electric knife. My hand went numb and seized up, which was fine. I deserved it. (Swine’s revenge.)
The Electronic Retailing Association nominated this electric knife as product of the year. Yep, you heard me. Nominated (in small letters) for PRODUCT OF THE YEAR (big letters).
Here’s a great idea for the ERA – of course I mean the prestigious Electronic Retailing Association. A knife with spot for a battery in the handle. Big handles are in, so that’s perfect. You switch this knife on and it heats the blade. And then you use the hot knife for - you already know what I’m going to say, don’t you? – for butter!
Some of the infomercial copy can read, “It cuts like a hot knife through butter because that’s what it is. You don’t have to break you back cutting cold butter anymore. Don’t you hate it when this happens? [Visual of a knife slipping off of a block of butter and making an inconvenient mess. I mean annoyingly inconvenient.]
If you’d like to market this knife, please do. You have a good heart. I’ll take a cut when you force it on me like Forrest Gump does with Bubba’s family. Anyone who sees the beauty of this idea certainly knows which side of the bread the nicely cut butter is on.
Heather said,
November 17, 2006 at 8:27 am
I like the hipster they pulled off the street and dressed up like a fisherman, but forgot to tell to lose the lambchop sideburns. Yeah, daddy-o! Slice that fish like all the hep cats do.
julieluongo said,
November 17, 2006 at 12:08 pm
Those chops look like the work of a budding make-up artist. That mustache on the guy who’s frustrated with the cord (fed up!) on his old electric knife looks fake, too.
Now I ask, who has ever had trouble cutting a sandwich? A sandwich!
Heather said,
November 17, 2006 at 1:40 pm
Not lambchops! Mutton chops! Ha ha ha. Look, there is meat involved on his face.
Heather said,
November 17, 2006 at 1:41 pm
Sometimes the language fails me. I’m so ashamed. Lambchop = sock puppet. Mutton chops = facial hair.
julieluongo said,
November 17, 2006 at 1:51 pm
Sheep, lamb, what’s the difference? They’re both easy work for the sonic knife.
Buy Stuff and Feel Better « Julie Luongo said,
November 28, 2006 at 2:28 am
[...] Gift giving season is upon us and I’m here to help. If you missed it, I’ve already pointed out the flaws with the Sonic Blade Cordless Electric knife based on the infomercial. (”Don’t use muscle when you can use sonic technology” they tell us while showing someone sawing garlic bread with a carving knife. Here’s a tip – use a serrated knife for bread. And if you find your muscles are stressed, go to the gym immediately.) But forget about your pressing cutting needs and move along to a product I endorse. [...]
E. coli No Mo « Julie Luongo said,
December 7, 2006 at 1:06 am
[...] As you may have guessed from my entries about the Sonic Blade Electric Knife and Memory Foam, I watch infomercials. I blame insomnia. My latest find is the AeroGarden. Watch this 28 day demo of aeroponics. Go ahead. You know you love time laspe photography. [...]