Sometimes when I’m feeling blue, I go to Superdickery and page through the gallery of Superman covers. It makes me glad I don’t have the man of steel as my adoptive father.
But Jimmy’s a huge whiner. Hey Jimmy, I’m working with my window open, and you don’t hear me crabbing about it. You’re the one who decided to be a writer.
Dorian said,
October 11, 2006 at 5:14 am
Superdickery is hilarious. Who knew Superman was such a bastard?
He frequently tortures his closest friends as a test and often because he’s punishing them.
As for Jimmy, I had no idea he was a wise guy. You’d think a made man would be able to wrangle a better pad.
Bunche said,
October 11, 2006 at 2:31 pm
SUPERDICKERY barely even scratches the surface of the madness on display in the Superman books from the mid-1950’s up through the early 1970’s,most of which is found inside the issuesrather than just on the admittedly crazy covers. The worst offenders are the stories wherein Supes and a certain Caped Crusader actually get together and plot out schemes in which they purposely mess with Lois Lane’s head,and when she susses out that she’s been effed withas a prank by the world’s greatest super-heroes, they actually laugh in her face and tell her how stupid she is. Hey, she may be a bit of a pain in the ass, but that just ain’t nice.
Oh, and how could I forget this one: during his now retconned (that’s retroactive continuity for those of you who aren’t geeks, meaning it did not happen in the current version — roughly 1986 through the present — of Superman continuity) years as Superboy, Clark Kent had a Kryptonian robot that acted as his mentor, and one day the robot decided Clark was ready to “learn” about girls, if you catch my drift. The robot provides him with what we are told is a very lifelike android girl, and in a classic example of the “camera” cutting away before the action gets hot, the Superboy becomes a Superman. It’s kind of grody that Clark loses his virginity to what we are lead to believe is a high-tech sex toy,but the scenario switches tothe skeevy and downright criminal when we find out that the robot had actually abducted some poor girl, wiped and reprogrammed her memory, and after the deed is done, she was returned to her everyday life with no memory of what had happened. That story was penned by no less than the current head of DC Comics, Paul Levitz, and I would love to know just what the hell he was thinking when he wrote that one! For a more scholarly (an hilarious) look into the adolescence of Superman some truly twisted theoretical scenarios about his reproductive capabilities with human females, look up Larry Niven’s “Man of Steel, Woman ofKleenex;” it should still be upon the internet in its entirety.
And while it has nothing to due with assholism on Superman’s part, you have to look up the issue of SUPERMAN’S GIRLFRIEND, LOIS LANE from around 1970/71 where Lois decides to do an investigative piece on the plight of the Black community, so what does she do? She has Superman use a Kryptonian device to turn her Black! I swear to God I’m not making that up; Google Lois Lane and the title “I Am Curious…Black” and get ready to crack up.